The Definition of Abuse
by Barbara
Summary: When Sandoval stumbles across an abused child in the park, he learns something about Liam that he never suspected.


The Definition of Abuse

By Barbara

Disclaimer:  They ain't mine.  I wish they were, but they belong to someone else.

Rated PG13 for violence to children and child abuse

Warning! Violent imagery ahead!

The park rang with the sounds of rambunctious children.  School was out for a federal holiday, and people were taking advantage of it.  Children were playing Frisbee with other children or with their parents.  Still more children crawled all over the monkey bars, some dangling from the top by hands or feet.   There were young children playing in the sandbox under the watchful eyes of their parents, building castles and strange sculptures.  There were even children playing a game of what looked like soccer, using makeshift goal posts.  One set appeared to be made of picnic baskets and lunchbags while the other set was made of an orange traffic cone on one side and a trash barrel on the other.

Along one of the paths near where the children were playing Frisbee, were several benches.  Sitting quietly on one of those benches was Agent Sandoval, Head Companion Protector and father.  It was, as always, the father part of his psyche that had brought him to this park today.  He was taking a lunch break, as he called it, though he rarely ate lunch here.  No one questioned his lengthy lunch breaks, which, in any event, only occurred occasionally.  No one at the Embassy or on the mothership dared.  Normally he didn't visit the park during the day, but in the evenings or on weekends.  But he knew that on holidays the parks would be full, and often took lengthy lunch breaks on those days.  

He came to the park for a couple of reasons.  The first was to see if there was anyone with features like his.  He came hoping to catch a glimpse of his son.  It wasn't that unlikely.  How would his son's guardians have known of his illness unless they lived in the area?  It was unlikely they would have known he was in the hospital unless they kept very close tabs on him which they weren't likely to do if they lived far away.  If they didn't live in the area, they probably wouldn't have known of his hospitalization until he was dead.  After all, he had only been in the hospital a couple of days.  He never had seen anyone who looked like they might be his son, but since he knew nothing of the child, not even his mother, Sandoval realized he might have seen him many times and not even known it.

The other reason he came to the park was simpler- seeing the children playing relaxed him.  It reminded him that there was still goodness out there.  And that somewhere out there he had a child like one of those children- a reason to do what he was doing.  It was a reminder that he wasn't working for the Taelons perpetrating atrocities because he _wanted to, but because he __had to- because it was the only way to get close enough to the Taelons to discover their weaknesses and determine how to stop them.  A reminder that the real reason he was working for the Taelons was to keep the children from being sacrificed to save the Taelons._

A memory suddenly intruded into his mind.  

***************

_He stared in horror at the mutilated body of a child, no more than 8 years old.  The body had been found in the playground of the school she had gone to, sprawled underneath the monkey bars.  It had been laid out in a specific pose with her honey-blond hair arranged around her head like a halo. _

_The killer was getting bolder.  There had still been custodians working in the school when the body was deposited.  The killer could have been seen.  He hadn't been, though.  And they still had no more to go on than they had in the previous five murders.  If they didn't catch him within the next two days, he would take another child.  They would only have three days after that before the child's nude savaged body would show up._

_Her blood had been used to paint a macabre design around the body, and what were left of her internal organs were placed in specific locations within the design.  It was grotesque. He turned away from the crime scene, struggling to retain the coffee he had drunk earlier.  He had a job to do- to search for any clues the serial killer might have left behind, but he had wanted to see the victim first, to swear to her that he would catch the monster that had done this.  As the Crime Lab surrounded the body, he hoped- no, prayed- that the forensic evidence would be different this time.  That it would not show that that beautiful eight year had been repeatedly raped before being gutted, and that it would not show that she was still alive and probably conscious as her organs had been removed.  It wasn't likely that the forensic evidence would be different, all the other victims had been raped and gutted while conscious, but he could hope._

********************

He forced his mind to return to the present, to leave the case in the past where it belonged.  He had only been a junior investigator on that case, but the brutality of it had shown him _this was the right job to have.  This was the best way to protect the children.  He wiped away the tears the memory had caused him to shed, looking around furtively to make sure it hadn't been noticed.  The victims in that case had been so young, and so terrified.  Their faces had been frozen in the pain and terror they had felt as they died.  Their murderer had finally made a mistake with victim number six, the girl with the honey-blond hair, and he had been found and arrested before he could snatch another child.  He had been executed a couple of years ago._

It had taken a long time before he could forget that case.  He wondered what specifically had triggered this flashback.  His CVI was becoming more and more erratic as it broke down.  Flashbacks like that were occurring more often, but usually something triggered them.  Looking around, he tried to spot what had caused this particular flashback.  Honey-blond hair twirled around the face of a small child as she threw a Frisbee.  That must have been what had set off the flashback.  As the girl had come down from her earlier jump to catch the Frisbee, her hair would have framed her face like a halo, as it had for the murdered girl.

He looked elsewhere, trying to find something to take his mind off the memories that had been brought to the forefront of his mind so unexpectedly.  Over among the trees, a group of girls and boys appeared to be playing cowboys and Indians, with all the resultant screams of "You're dead", "No, I'm not.  You missed," echoing through the woods.  He watched the children playing with a smile.  They were so exuberant, so full of life.  Their imaginations were boundless at this age.  Just look at them racing around pretending to be cowboys and Indians, or maybe, Sandoval thought as he looked carefully, Taelons and Resistance.  He couldn't tell who were supposed to be the good guys if that were the scenario.  Both sides had toy energy weapons, in bright greens and pinks, of course, so that they couldn't be mistaken for _real energy weapons.  As he looked closer, he noticed that a couple of the children had objects of some sort taped to their arms, clearly intended to represent skrills.  He still wasn't certain which side was the good guys, but it was definitely Taelons and Resistance, not cowboys and Indians._

Sighing, he got up from the bench.  He'd been in the park almost two hours, far longer than normal, but after everything that had occurred recently, he had needed to relax.  Still, he needed to head back to the Embassy before Kincaid came looking for him.  The Major had found him here one day, and had somehow subsequently learned that he often came to the park.  He didn't want Kincaid destroying the sense of peace he had achieved today.  Of course, virtually any conversation with the Major seemed to destroy that sense of peace.  Sometimes he wondered why Kincaid always seemed to be hovering nearby, even though he seemed to dislike Sandoval and his actions.  Did he just like to keep tabs on Sandoval, or was there something more?

He absently checked to make sure he still had his global, as recently it seemed to have a life of its own.  It had disappeared from his pockets so often recently that he was about ready to swear that it was alive and looking for a mate.  Usually he found it wherever he had last been sitting.  Every time it disappeared, he checked to make certain no bugging or tracking software had been added while it was missing.  It would be all too easy for someone finding his global to bug it to learn what he was doing.  He half suspected Kincaid, but he couldn't think of a way for someone to remove his global without his noticing it.  It had to be occurring accidentally.  Still, he didn't keep any sensitive data on it, just in case it was being deliberately removed.  He also checked to see if anyone had tried to access the data.  No one had, yet.  When it had first started disappearing, he had scanned it after every disappearance with a biochemical scanner but found nothing.  Eventually he had stopped bothering.  He still checked occasionally, but he had never found any evidence that the global's migrations were other than accidental.  

He brushed off his suit, checking absently for pine needles or leaves and therefore didn't notice the child heading straight for him.  The boy was furiously backing up to catch a Frisbee, and didn't see the agent at all.  They went down in a tangle of limbs.  The breath knocked out of him, Sandoval lay sprawled in an undignified heap on the path, with the boy lying atop him.  Trying to get his lungs to remember how to function, Sandoval attempted to pull in a breath preparatory to verbally flaying the person who had crashed into him.  That idea came to a sudden halt when he realized his attacker was a boy who looked to be barely eight or nine years old with a terrified look in his eyes.  

He noticed a couple of kids heading over to see if they were all right, but then his eyes were caught by the boy's back.  The fall had pulled his long sleeve T-shirt out of his jeans and twisted it  up around his chest near his armpits.  It didn't take X-ray vision to see the marks on the boy's back- marks that looked suspiciously like a belt buckle.  The marks were present in several different colors, from an angry red to a fading greenish-yellow, indicating they had been administered over a period of several weeks.  The belt had clearly been applied with great force, as the shape of the buckle could clearly be seen in some of the bruises.  Anger filled him at the thought of such violence to a child.  Anger, and fear.  Seeing such abuse reminded him of his son, and of his frequent nightmares- nightmares in which the Resistance would take out their frustrations with Sandoval on his son.  The terrified cries of his son haunted his sleep.

The marks on the boy's back took him back in time- to when he was only ten years old.  He still remembered Tommy so clearly.  He and Tommy had been friends then.  He had noticed Tommy wearing long sleeve shirts all the time and that Tommy didn't like to go home after they played together.  He had never really thought about it until one day while playing in his room, Tommy had confided in him something he hadn't told anyone else.  They had been talking about some of the things they did wrong and how they were punished.  After a while….

************

_Tommy looked at him quietly.  "Your dad doesn't hit you 'cause you're too loud?"_

_"Of course not.  He yells at me, but how am I supposed to know I'm too loud unless someone tells me?" Ronnie smiled at that._

_"And he doesn't hit you 'cause he's had a bad day?"_

_"Why would he?  That's not my fault.  He hits me when I do something stupid that I should have known better than to do."  He paused looking at Tommy.  "It hurts, but not for long," he bragged.  "But it sure makes me remember to not do that again!"  He admitted._

_"And he actually does stuff with you?  He doesn't ignore you or pretend you don't exist or call you bad things?"  Tommy asked hopefully._

_"Nah.  He shows me lots of stuff.  He doesn't ignore me.  Sometimes I wish he would.  Then he wouldn't catch me doing things he doesn't want me to do so often."  His smile turned into a frown as he looked at Tommy carefully.  "Is something wrong?  Why are you asking me this?"  Softly,  "Does your dad do those kind of things to you?"  He hoped he was wrong, that Tommy was talking about someone else._

_Tommy looked around carefully, checking that no one was listening to their conversation.  "My dad, he **hurts me."  He looked around again, and then pulled down his pants to show the bruises on his rear.  He pulled them up quickly again, but not before Ronnie had seen the impressions of a belt buckle in many of the bruises.  And there were some strange circular burns present, too.  "He either ignores me, or he calls me bad things and … holds me down and… hurts me," he sobbed quietly.**_

_"You should tell someone."  Ronnie said strongly.  He wanted to reach out to Tommy, but he knew his friend didn't like people touching him._

_"I told you," Tommy replied with a bewildered tone._

_"You need to tell an adult or a policeman… yeah!  Dad always says you should go to a policeman when you're scared or lost.  You could tell my dad.  He's a policeman!"  Ronnie exclaimed._

_"NO!" Tommy yelled.  "I don't want anyone to know.  He'll just hurt me more.  They won't stop him."  He looked straight at Ronnie.  "Promise me you won't tell your dad or anyone else about this.  I don't want anyone hurting my dad because of me."_

***************

Tommy had pleaded with him until he had agreed to tell no one.  Tommy confided in him more and more over the next few weeks.  Finally, Ronnie couldn't take what was happening to Tommy anymore.  He told his dad.  But it was too late.  Tommy's father had pushed him down the stairs after beating him.  He had broken one of Tommy's arms, and one of his legs had been broken during the fall.  After he got out from the hospital, Tommy had gone to live with his mother in another city.  Ron had never seen him again.  But after that, he had vowed to never let a promise get in the way when something had to be done.  He had waited too long to tell his father because he didn't want to break his promise to Tommy.  He would never let a promise get in the way again.

He looked back into the boy's eyes and saw they held a tremendous amount of fear.  Stuttering, the boy started, "I'm ss…sorry.  I dddidn't mean to hit you.  I wwwasn't looking wwwhere I was going."  He looked scared, like he expected Sandoval to hit him, like he thought that Sandoval had every right to hit him after what he had done.  Seeing the anger in Sandoval's eyes only made him cower more.  "Pppplease, mister.  I'd dddidn't mean to knock you over.  I'm ssorry."  He curled his arms protectively over his head and pulled his knees to his chest in a fetal position as Sandoval sat up.  "Ppplease don't hit me," he begged, tears welling up in his eyes.

Sandoval reached for the boy, who flinched back from his touch.  "I'm not going to hit you," Sandoval softly replied.  "It wasn't your fault.  I wasn't looking where I was going."  He saw the terror in the boy's eyes lessening and continued quietly, "I know you didn't mean it."  He smiled slightly.  "Now why don't you sit up and let me take a look at you."  By then the other children playing with him had reached them.  Trying to appear friendly and approachable, Sandoval addressed the other kids.  "He's fine.  I think he just got the wind knocked out of him.  Maybe a few bumps and bruises.  Why don't you go back to playing?  I'm sure he'll join you soon.  He just needs to catch his breath."   Though his voice was friendly, his eyes held a disquieting anger in their depths.  The other boys looked dubious about leaving their friend with a stranger.

From behind him further up the path, another voice joined in.  "It's all right, kids.  We're policemen.  We'll make sure he's ok."  Sandoval's head dropped to his chest as he closed his eyes and sighed.  Of course, it would have to be Major Kincaid.  Clearly the Major had decided to come looking for him.  And had managed to get here in time to see his fall, probably.  He wondered if the Major had smirked when he saw how he and the child had been tangled up together.  Probably.  He had never seen the Major actually laugh or smile in simple pleasure, only smirk at embarrassing situations, particularly those involving himself.  The two boys left reluctantly, not wanting to leave their friend, but not wanting the policemen to be angry with them either.  Besides, with two policemen, their friend would be safe.

By then Kincaid had approached the two of them close enough to see the bruises on the child's back.  The anger shone clearly in his eyes as he looked at Sandoval.   Sandoval also saw the suspicion that flickered briefly in the Major's eyes before being squelched.  He had actually thought Sandoval _capable of harming a child like that.  While he knew the Major didn't care for him, he hadn't believed Kincaid thought __that little of him.  Still, he had immediately realized the truth, and the suspicion had died.  Deciding not to comment on that brief glimpse, Sandoval instead replied to the imagined slight, "Policemen?  Really, Major.  I can't imagine you as one."  The child next to him stiffened at this comment._

Kincaid saw the boy's reaction, and addressed him.  "He's right.  We're not really policemen.  We're even better than that.  I'm in the army, and he's," pointing to Sandoval, "in the FBI.  It's like a group with all the best policemen in the country in it.  See, it's our job to protect people like you."  Sandoval nearly smiled at Kincaid's subterfuge.  Clearly, he wasn't certain how the children would react to him saying they were Companion Protectors.  Remembering the game of Taelons and Resistance, he silently agreed that telling the complete truth in this instance might not be the best idea.  He wanted the boy to trust him enough to tell the truth about his injuries after all.  He _was surprised at the Major's description of the FBI as containing all the best policemen.  Was that truly how the Major saw him, or did he just want to reassure the child?_

"Now why don't we head over to that bench there to make sure you're all right?"  The Major pointed to the bench Sandoval had been sitting on earlier.  Kincaid offered his hand, not reaching out to grab the boy, but rather offering a hand up.  As the boy hesitantly reached for it, Kincaid added, "So what's your name?  My name's Liam.  And this," he nodded towards Sandoval as his hands were full helping the child up, "is Sandoval.  I don't think he likes his first name," Liam said in an undertone with an air of conspiracy.  "He never lets anyone call him by it."

Sandoval quickly corrected Kincaid as he got up.  "You can call me Ron."  He smiled slightly.  "That's what my friends call me."  He didn't notice the look of sadness that flickered through the Major's eyes at that statement.  Kincaid was right, though.  There was hardly anyone left who called him Ron.  What friends he had had in the FBI were long gone.  The MI had guaranteed that by causing him to betray them.  They were either dead, by his order or his hand, or manning desks in Anchorage or North Dakota.  The MI had effectively destroyed all his friendships, and his fear that people would discover it was gone had prevented him from forming new ones.

"My name's Peter," the boy replied hesitatingly as he tucked his shirt back into his pants before heading over to the bench and sitting down.

Kincaid reached the bench after Peter and sat down on one side, turning sideways so he could see Peter easily.  Kincaid's towering presence caused Peter to scoot backwards away from the large man next to him.  That barely left enough room for Sandoval on the other side of Peter, if he didn't mind only being three-quarters on the bench and being pressed tightly against Peter.  Instead, he crouched down in front of Peter, bringing his head down to Peter's level.  He ignored the apologetic look on the Major's face as he had intended from the start to crouch in front of Peter.  He didn't want to overwhelm him.  It was clear, however, the Major didn't realize how scary he was, which explained his remaining on the bench.  

"Now," Sandoval started, "Why don't you tell us who put those marks on your back?"  He tried to look both sympathetic and encouraging, and must have succeeded considering the astonishment on Kincaid's face at the look on his own.  He supposed the Major's astonishment was understandable as he didn't remember the last time he had felt sympathetic, let alone looked it, but he was still unaccountably disappointed at Kincaid's look of surprise.

Peter refused to look at Sandoval, keeping his head down and worrying at his lip.  He played with the front hem of his T-shirt, moving it back and forth between his hands.  Sandoval sighed and decided to approach the question obliquely.  "Was it a friend of yours?" he asked, knowing that wasn't the answer.  The boy's- Peter's- head shot up at this.  A small shy smile decorated his face as he shook his head no.  "Was it a teacher?"  He shook his head again.  "Your mother?"  Sandoval knew he was getting close at this point as the child hesitated before shaking his head.  Quietly, Sandoval asked, "Did your father do this?" not allowing the anger in his mind to leach through to his voice.  Peter was obviously terrified.  He didn't answer, just dropped his head back down to look at his hands.

It was clearly his father who had done this to Peter, but he was too terrified to say so.  Sandoval couldn't imagine someone treating his son like that, even though he had seen it before.  He knew _he would never hurt his son like that.  He loved his son, whoever he was.  _

"Your father did this, didn't he?"  Sandoval waited for an answer but none was forthcoming.  Glancing at the Major, he saw the same anger he felt towards Peter's father reflected in the Major's eyes.  He turned back to Peter.  The Major evidently intended to provide only moral support.  Understandable, if he had never dealt with child abuse before.  However, it seemed odd to rely on Kincaid's presence to bolster his own arguments.  Still, the child was more likely to believe two adults than one.  

"If no one knows what he's doing, he won't stop.  Your father doesn't realize what he's doing is wrong.  Unless someone tells him it's wrong, he'll never know, and he'll never change." A serious oversimplification, but Peter needed to realize that what his father did was wrong.  His father probably did realize on some level that what he did was wrong, but didn't know how to change.  He lifted Peter's chin to look into his eyes.  "If you don't tell someone, it won't stop." Peter looked uncertain at that statement.  Sandoval let go of his chin and added,  "Think about how long he's been beating you, Peter.  He hasn't gotten better.  He hasn't changed.  In fact, the beatings may have been getting worse."  Although he was only guessing at this point, Peter's reaction proved he was right when Peter looked away from Sandoval back down to the hem of his shirt.  

Sandoval didn't need Peter's statement to start an investigation of his father, but he knew the boy would eventually feel less guilty about what had happened if he told someone. He didn't want Peter, years from now, feeling like a failure for not telling anyone what had been happening to him.  He wanted to try to get the child to understand that what happened wasn't his fault. He wasn't certain _anyone had ever been able to convince Tommy of that.  _

After a couple of minutes during which Sandoval remained quiet while silently urging the boy to speak up, Peter looked up and sniffled.  "He hurts me all the time, Mr. Ron," Peter admitted, quietly.  "When I don't do what he says or am too loud or sometimes," he looked down, "just when I remind him that I'm there. I don't understand.  Why did he hurt me?"  Peter asked plaintively.  He had never understood why his father hurt him.

"Maybe he didn't understand how to talk to you, how to ask you to be quiet.  Maybe, he didn't realize how much what he was doing was hurting you." Kincaid replied softly, looking at his hands rather than at Peter as he said it.  It had the sound of a rehearsed statement, as though the Major had thought so much about the subject that the response was instinctive.  

Sandoval almost didn't notice the rehearsed nature of the statement over the anger the Major's comments had engendered, but its utterly calm, uninflected delivery did manage to bypass his anger and made him stop for a moment and think.  Perhaps the Major had had a childhood friend would had been abused and such beliefs were the only way he could accept the abuse had occurred.  But he was an _adult now!  With a strong sense of values that showed up in virtually every confrontation between them.   By now he should have learned that it wasn't the child's fault.  He shouldn't be __defending a man who would brutally attack his own son.  He looked at Kincaid, his eyes hard.  "There is no excuse for what he did."  He looked down at Peter. "You are ****__not responsible for your father's actions.  You are only a child.  He is an adult.  He should have known better.  What happened is your father's fault, not yours."  _

Looking at Peter, Kincaid added, "Maybe he didn't realize what he was doing was wrong."  He kept avoiding Sandoval's eyes as he said that.

And the Major was _still defending that abuser.  "You're wrong, Major.  On some level, he knew what he was doing was wrong.  He just didn't care."  He looked at Peter, who was busy worrying at the hem of his shirt again.  "Peter, will you stay here?  The Major and I have a couple of things to discuss."  Peter's eyes grew wide as Sandoval got up and virtually pulled Kincaid off the bench.  Sandoval stood there, waiting until Peter had nodded his head to pull Kincaid far enough away from Peter that he couldn't hear their conversation._

Almost growling, Sandoval bit out, "What the **_hell do you think you're doing, Kincaid?  You are quickly convincing that child that his father's actions were __his fault.  I expected better of you."  He let go of Kincaid's arm like he couldn't bear to touch him._**

As Kincaid reached up absently to rub his arm where Sandoval had pulled him along, he replied contritely, "I didn't mean to suggest that.  I just thought there might be a logical reason why his father acted like he did… that Peter might feel better if he knew why his father acted like he did."

In a calmer tone, Sandoval replied tightly, "There can be no excuse for child abuse, Major."  He was surprised at the look of startlement on Kincaid's face.  Was he surprised that Sandoval felt that way, or, he thought darkly, did the Major really think there were times when hurting a child was justified?  Either way, he hadn't expected to see that look on the Major's face at his statement.  "Nothing anyone can do could be as painful, emotionally or physically, as your own father abusing you.  That child has suffered enough abuse.  I don't want you adding to it."  He looked over at Peter, who hadn't looked up from his hem.  "Peter will feel better when he is away from his father.  The most important thing now is to prevent any further physical and emotional abuse."  He sighed.  "The physical trauma will heal.  After that, the next step is to reverse the effects of the emotional abuse he's suffered.  The results of his emotional abuse will last a lot longer than the signs of physical abuse will."

"Emotional abuse?  What's that?  I've never taken any psychology classes.  I don't know what you're talking about."  

Since Kincaid looked curious and apologetic, Sandoval decided to enlighten him.  After all, he _had had psychology as a minor in college.   It had proved very useful in subsequent years.  "Emotional abuse is fairly difficult to define.  Basically it occurs when a parent belittles their child or makes them feel inadequate.  The parent may be totally unconcerned about the child, and may even reject the child.  They reject overtures of friendship or caring from their child, and try to push them away.  They often act like they don't want their child around, that the existence of their child is a burden to them."  He continued to look at Peter during the conversation and thus missed the growing look of understanding on the Major's features, understanding that was tempered with unwelcome self-realization.  "Peter doesn't need you making him feel that what occurred is his fault."_

"I understand."  He paused.  "Don't you think we should be calling the police or someone?" Sandoval looked back at Kincaid to see him acting rather nervously.  "This isn't our jurisdiction, and we don't really know what to do."

"I know.  I was planning on calling Child Services and the police before you came."

"Why don't you call them?  I'll go and sit with Peter.  I think he needs to something to take his mind off what he admitted."  He raised his hand to stop Sandoval's reply.  "I promise not to suggest that anything that occurred was his fault.  I just think he needs someone with him."

"Very well, Major.  I'll give Child Services a call."  He pulled out his global as Kincaid headed back to Peter.

*******

As Liam headed back to Peter, he wasn't sure what to say.  There were too many thoughts jumbled in his head.  He wanted to apologize to Peter for suggesting that he might be responsible for his father's actions.  But he had a larger problem, too.  Sandoval's words had forced him to realize that he had been abused.  He had never thought of what his father had done as abuse before.  And his father had clearly abused him emotionally as well as physically.  The physical abuse was easy to catalog- the torture when Malley was running around on board the mothership, the attempted murders, the threatened CVI implantation… But he hadn't realized he had been emotionally abused as well, not until Sandoval had defined it.  His father rejected him, didn't want him around, and had tried to get rid of him on more than one occasion.  His mind said that it wasn't Sandoval's fault- Sandoval didn't know the truth, but Liam's heart still hurt so much from his father's rejection of him.  He struggled to stop thinking of his father and the abuse he had suffered at his hand.  The important thing right now was Peter.  And then he realized that his abuse might help him explain his actions to Peter.  

But he sat down back on the bench, he realized he didn't want to tell Peter the truth.  He didn't want to tell anyone his father had abused him.  That made him realize he was acting just as Peter had.  Neither one of them wanted to tell anyone of their abuse.  But maybe, if telling the truth would help Peter, then telling Peter the truth might help Liam.  

Before he could say anything, Peter spoke up.  "Did I get you in trouble, Mr. Liam?" he was timidly.  "I didn't mean to make Mr. Ron angry with you."

"That's all right," Liam replied with a soft sarcastic snort.  "He's always angry with me for one reason or another."

"Does he hurt you?" Peter asked timidly.  In his experience, angry people hurt the people they were angry at.  Peter didn't catch the haunted look that had_ passed through Liam's eyes at the question._

Liam paused for a moment at that question.  _Yes, Sandoval had hurt him, many times, both by his words and by his actions.  But Peter didn't need to know that.  Peter needed to know that people could be angry with each other without harming each other.  He shook his head.  "He's never hit me," he temporized, hoping Peter would not notice the equivocation.  __Tortured me, yes.  Tried to have me killed, yes.  Shot at me, yes.  But he's never actually **hit me.  **_

After taking a look to see that Sandoval was far enough away to not hear them, and was apparently fully occupied with his global, Liam turned backed to Peter and leaned down.  "I wanted to apologize for suggesting that you might have been responsible for your father's actions.  I didn't mean it that way.  I just," he paused and started again.  "It just struck too close to home.  When you asked why your father hurt you- I ask myself that all the time.  And so I responded with the only answer I had.  I never thought of what had happened to me as abuse. When I tried to justify what your father had done to you I realized that I was trying to justify what my father had done to me.  It wasn't until I started thinking about what Sandoval had said that I realized I had been abused."  His voice choked up at that point.  The sadness in Liam's eyes almost made Peter cry for him.  

Peter realized that maybe he wasn't as alone as he thought- that others had been hurt as he had been.  He had never told anyone the truth before because he had never thought what happened to him might have happened to someone else, and so he had thought no one would believe him.  Now Peter began to realize that he was not the only person who had ever been abused, and that people might have believed him if he had told them.

Liam paused, tried to get his voice back under control, and trying to prevent the tears that glistened in his eyes from falling.  He didn't want Sandoval to have any idea what he had been saying, and red eyes would definitely show something had happened.   After he got his voice under control, he started again.  "My father hurt me when I was younger than you.  But what hurt more than the pain he caused was knowing he didn't care about me, knowing he would have preferred it if I didn't exist.  Even now I can't tell anyone how much he hurt me.  What he says and does continues to hurt today."

Peter looked confused.  "But why don't you tell him how much it hurts?  Mr. Ron, he said if no one tells him it's wrong he'll never stop."

Glancing over to make sure Sandoval was still fully occupied, Liam replied, "I'm scared to.  I suppose I'm afraid of him.  I'm afraid of what he'll do if he learns the truth."  He sighed.  "I suppose I'd rather be near him with him hurting me than have him know the truth and utterly reject me."  He didn't notice that he had slipped from talking about his father as though the events had happened in the distant past, to talking as if he could communicate with him now.

"I don't understand."

Liam shook his head, realizing that Peter had no idea what he was talking about.  "It's complicated."  _Oh, boy, is it complicated.  It's scary to realize that I'd prefer to be near my father with him hurting me constantly than not be near him.  It's beginning to sound like I do have some of the symptoms of child abuse.  Maybe it **would be a good idea to read some books on dealing with child abuse.**_

"But if I can tell the policemen about my father, then you can tell someone about yours, Mr. Liam."  He smiled impishly.  "Let's make a deal.  I'll tell the policemen what my daddy did to me if you tell someone about what yours did to you."  Clearly the beatings by his father had not destroyed the child's natural tendency to act like a little hellion as all children do.

Liam looked at Peter, who had an obstinate grin on his face.  Clearly, gentle persuasion would not get him out of this.  And he didn't want to lie to Peter, but he didn't want to agree either.  Still, he didn't want to destroy what progress he had made with Peter.  "All right," he sighed.  "I'll tell someone about what happened to me if you tell someone about what happened to you."

"Will you tell Mr. Ron?"

"**NO!" Liam exclaimed.  When Peter jumped at the intensity of Liam's reply, Liam lowered his voice to add, "I don't want to tell Sandoval about this."  _I wonder why?  He thought sarcastically._**

"Why not?"

"Because…" Liam tried hard to come up with a reason that he could explain to Peter, "because I don't."  He finally replied, knowing how ridiculous that sounded.  Peter looked at him incredulously.  "He's my boss.  I don't want him knowing that happened to me."  A lie, but how could he say he didn't want to tell Sandoval because Sandoval was the one who had abused him?  And yet, he did want Sandoval to know what he had done to Liam- two completely contradictory responses.  How could he tell Sandoval how much his actions and attitude had hurt Liam without revealing that it was Liam he had hurt?

He paused again, and then looked up a minute later to see a mounted policeman heading their way.

******************

As Kincaid headed over to Peter, Sandoval pulled out his global and input the police department, standing so that he would be able to see the bench over the global.  He was uneasy about allowing the Major to speak to Peter alone, even with his promise, as he knew how easily promises could be broken.  The main reason he had agreed was that he was within listening distance of the bench.  While he had pulled the Major far enough from the bench that Peter couldn't overhear their conversation, the CVI enhanced his hearing enough that he could easily hear everything said there.  He doubted the Major remembered that ability of the CVIs since he had never had one.  He wanted to understand what the Major had been thinking earlier, and since the Major certainly wasn't going to tell him to his face, eavesdropping was the only answer.  He didn't call it eavesdropping though.  It was _alternative intelligence acquisition._

As Kincaid sat down on the bench, Sandoval sighed again at the size difference between Peter and the Major.  Kincaid could _not seem to see that his size intimidated Peter.  As the police dispatcher appeared on the global screen, he turned part of his attention back to the global.  Most of his attention remained focused on Peter and the Major.  He could intimidate police in his sleep, and sometimes had.  He paid little attention to his global though he made certain to look fully engrossed in his conversation, focusing mainly on the conversation starting between Peter and the Major.  The CVI enabled such multi-tasking to occur easily.  While telling the police of the child abuse he had discovered, he would be able to listen to the Major's conversation.  _

He smiled slightly when Peter asked if Kincaid was in trouble.  Kincaid _was trouble.  Kincaid's presence virtually guaranteed trouble for any operation he stumbled across.  Just look at the number of times Kincaid had caused trouble for him.  But, yes, he often was in trouble.  But then Peter asked if Sandoval had hurt Kincaid.  His breath caught for an instant.  Yes, he had hurt Kincaid.  Many times.  But he didn't want Peter to know that.  He didn't want Peter to be afraid of him.  He waited, and dreaded Kincaid's response as the pause before the Major answered the question seemed to last forever.  _

He restrained a sigh of relief when the Major replied that Sandoval had never hit him.  No, he'd never hit Kincaid, but he'd done far worse.  He'd tortured Kincaid tried to kill him.  For some reason, though, the Major didn't want to disillusion Peter.  _I wonder why.  Whatever the reason, I thank you for that, Major._

The conversation with the police was short and sweet.  The police still respected Companion Protectors even if no one trusted them, and allegations of child abuse were quickly investigated no matter the accuser.  All it took was his rank and the charge for the dispatcher to become extremely eager to help.  He had promised to dispatch a mounted officer to the scene immediately and to inform Child Services.  The dispatcher assured him they would rush a case worker on site.

The police officer had just signed off, after stating that one of the mounted units would be there shortly, when Sandoval noticed the Major glance his way.  He made sure to look as if he were fully occupied with his global, though he'd already finished speaking with the police and didn't need to alert Child Services since the police were going to.  It was just as well that he had signed off, as he would have totally lost track of the conversation when he heard the Major's admission of child abuse.  It hit him like a brick wall.  _I didn't realize he had been abused as a child. But then, it sounds as though he didn't realize it either.  _

_I can't believe I've been so blind.  The clues were in front of my face the **entire time.  His statements to Peter were the same type of statements abused children used to try to justify their parent's abuse to themselves.  And the rote nature of the statement, as though he'd thought about it many times before- he had.  He was oblivious to how he towered over Peter because he empathized so much with Peter that he didn't see the height difference.  I don't know why I didn't see it before.  The clues have been there the entire time. So why didn't I realize it sooner?  Why did I have to have his abuse virtually shoved I my face before I realized it?  Of course.  I don't know what the signs of child abuse look like in adults.  I've never met an adult survivor of child abuse, as far as I know.  That explains my ignorance.  It doesn't excuse it.  I ****should have seen it.  I'm so sorry for what your father did to you, Liam, and so sorry I didn't see it earlier.**_

Sandoval thought back, trying to identify other clues that might have led him to see Liam's childhood abuse.  While he knew what signs to look for to see abuse in a child, he hadn't known what to look for to see the effects of abuse in an adult.   He tried to remember what signs of abuse might show up in an adult.  He thought for a moment of what little he knew of Liam's life.  _Liam has no close friends, no relationships.  Difficulty forming close relationships is a sign of abuse.  He appears to trust no one.  He seems oblivious to the danger to himself and doesn't hesitate if his life is at risk- as if his life is worthless in comparison to those he saves, again a sign of abuse.  He's definitely pushy, hostile, and gloomy.  I don't think I've ever seen him smile.  After all this time, I doubt I would be able to see any of the signs usually associated with physical abuse, but Liam's statements make that a certainty as well._

Sandoval realized he had lost track of the conversation.  Luckily, it appeared he hadn't missed much.  He heard Peter ask why Liam didn't ever tell his father how much it hurt, and smiled at Peter's apparent acceptance of the argument that the abuser wouldn't stop if no one told him to.  After all, he was now using the same argument against Liam.

But his breath caught when he heard Liam admit that he was still afraid of his father.  _I didn't think he was afraid of anything.  Wait a second.  As far as I recall, the Major's father is dead.  So why is he talking as if his father is still alive?  _

**_What? __He'd rather be hurt and near him than away from him?  He's not consistently near anyone who hurts him. I'd know if he were.  Those who've hurt him, he's taken care of. He paused for a moment that seemed to last forever as he realized… __Except me.  I'm the only person constantly around him who's hurt him that I know of.  Well, Da'an, but that appears to be emotional rather than physical pain.  He'd rather be near me despite the fact that I hurt him emotionally and physically than stay away from me?  _**

_Why?  I don't understand it.  What truth?  Why is he afraid for me to know what happened to him?  He snorted softly.__  Well, the answer that's obvious.  He's afraid I'd use it against him.  But that doesn't explain why he'd rather be around me than not considering how I treat him.  _

_And why hasn't he retaliated against me for all the things I've done to him?  I'd've thought that they'd have reminded him of his father and he would have retaliated to remove the reminder.  He__ paused.__  Or it is that he hasn't retaliated **because my actions remind him of his father?  My actions, he thought guiltily**__, do appear to have been much like his father's._

Slowly, the reason percolated into his head.  _For some reason he sees me as a father figure.  **Me!?  Why?  I'm not that much older than him.  Well, he conceded**__, not that much physically older, but obviously I am significantly older emotionally.  Liam's still emotionally the age he was at the time of the abuse.  So I have a ten-year-old Major to deal with.  Joy.  _

_But why does he see me specifically as a substitute father?   Maybe, he admitted slowly__, because his father had treated him as I have.  After his father's death, he needed a replacement.  He latched onto me to begin with because of my status as an authority figure in his life.  My constant belittling and rejection of him has only reinforced his image of me as just like his father.  Even the torture, he admitted guiltily__, has only made him more likely to see me as a replacement for his father.  After all, I've acted just like his father.  And so, he's thinking he can make up for his problems with his father using me as a substitute.  That he can get his father's approval through me.  Hellfire!  I've treated him just as badly as his father did.  I hate abuse, but I've abused a man who's emotionally ten or so.  Even the fact that I abused the adult and not the child doesn't negate that. I would never abuse a child, but emotionally Liam **is a child.  He thought again of his unknown son, and prayed his son would never learn about abuse firsthand.**___

_It's hard to believe that Liam sees me was a father figure, but his constant presence and the several times he's saved my life at considerable risk to his own all point to that inescapable fact.  _

_I hate his father for what he did to Liam.  He took what must have been an adorable outgoing child and made him so emotionally fragile, he's latched onto **me as a substitute father figure.  ****Me.  The man who's hated him and tried to kill him, and Liam sees me as a better father figure than his true father.  He's so emotionally messed up he doesn't realize what a sorry excuse for a father figure I am.  Apparently he doesn't seem to understand that your father, or father figure, should be supportive and loving, not abusive.  **_

_But maybe I can change.  Looking at what I've done to Liam, I realize I **need to change.  If my son saw me now, and knew what I had done to Liam, he would hate me… and with good reason.  For no good reason, I physically and emotionally tortured a young man who looked to me as a substitute for the father that had abused him.  I taught that young man that pain is the natural result of caring and that abuse is common in a relationship.  I don't want to teach that to my son.  **_

_After what I've learned today, I can't continue to act the way I have been toward Liam.  But as much as I might want to change my attitude, I can't change it quickly.  If I suddenly started acting friendly towards him, he'd think I was up to something suspicious.  I've made him suspicious of any friendly actions.  And I don't think he'd trust it if I made the first moves, not after everything I've done to him lately.  No, I'll have to wait for him to make the first overture.  It may take a while, but that's the only way to keep from scaring him off._

_Looking at Liam now, it's so easy to see the child within him.  It's clear he's never grown up emotionally.  His pain is so close to the surface I'm amazed I never saw it before.  I suppose that's because I never cared to look before.  I wonder who he'll tell about his abuse.  Certainly not me.  Even if I can one day convince him I care, I doubt he'll ever trust me enough to tell me about his abuse._

He saw Liam look up, and turned his head to see a mounted police officer riding up.  

*****************

A pleased expression crossed Sandoval's face as he recognized the officer riding up.  It was Officer Mitchell, the policeman who usually patrolled this park.  They'd met a few months ago.  He and Mitchell got along fairly well.  He didn't approach the children, and Mitchell didn't bother him.  A perfect relationship.  Suddenly, another unwanted memory intrusion occurred, this time of his first meeting with Officer Mitchell.

*********

_He had been sitting on the bench, minding his own business watching the children play Frisbee when a mounted police officer rode up and dismounted.  It was a weekend, a few months after he had learned of his son's existence._

_"Excuse me, sir?  Could you please tell me your name?  Several people have spotted you here quite often watching the children and reported you.  I was wondering why you're watching the children."  The officer was trying to be polite, as the man hadn't done anything illegal, but spending hours in the park several times a week watching the children play was suspicious in itself.  Not many people had so much free time that they could just sit around a park for hours at a time.  Unless they were parents watching their children, but there was no indication he had a child in the park.  Which made many of the parents wonder if there was a hidden reason he spent so much time in the park watching the children.  The coming of the Taelons had not decreased the number of perverts and child abusers out there._

_Sandoval looked up at the officer irritatedly.  He'd known his continual presence in the park would attract the police sooner or later, but he was still annoyed at having to explain himself.  Still, the fact that the children's parents were paying enough attention to notice his constant presence virtually every day for an hour or so indicated that they cared about their children.  The fact that they were worried enough about their children's safety that they approached a police officer about him being in the park so often decreased his level of ire slightly.  Anyone who tried to protect children, in his book, deserved some leniency.  He hoped the people watching his son were that careful.  He knew most people didn't have that much free time- which is what made him a suspicious character, but when you had a CVI that modified your brain such that you only slept 2-3 hours a night, free time became a **lot more common.  And with the attendant increase in reading speed, reading, whether work-related or pleasure-related, didn't take up all his free time.  So he modified his schedule to have time to spend at the park.**_

_He pulled out his ID.  "My name is Companion Protector Ronald Sandoval. An identicheck will confirm that.  I do hope you're not suggesting that the Companions would hire a dangerous man."  His tone was exasperated, but he didn't sound truly annoyed, which Officer Mitchell was thankful for.  He had recognized the name.  **Companion Protector Ronald Sandoval was well known amongst the police, and he was clearly a dangerous man- that showed in the darkness hidden deep in his eyes.  But it was not the type of darkness usually associated with child molestation.  Mitchell knew he was lucky the Protector was in a good mood.  He'd heard of officers being verbally flayed and transferred to issuing parking tickets after annoying this man.  Just to be thorough, and because while he knew the Protector's name, he didn't know his face, he pulled up Sandoval's information on his global.**_

_Sandoval wasn't truly annoyed with the police officer because he knew his face wasn't well-known among the general public. He had gone to a lot of trouble to keep his face off the news.   What he didn't realize was how well known he was within the police department.  His constant presence at Taelon related crime scenes, and his habit of commandeering any investigation and officers he wanted, had made his name a well-known, and feared, one within the police department.  _

_The officer pulled up Sandoval's information on his global and verified his identity.  While he had known the name Ronald Sandoval from the police department gossip, he hadn't realized that Sandoval was the** head of Companion Security.  That made him one of the most powerful law enforcement officers on the planet.  Companion Security could do anything they wanted, particularly since the crackdown.  "I'm sorry to bother you, sir.  I didn't mean to imply anything by asking for your ID.  With everything that's been going on, the parents are just concerned about their children," the officer replied nervously, wondering if he should have added that last part.  There were a number of nasty rumors running around about the Taelons, and experiments on unwilling subjects, people who just disappeared in the night.  He hoped this agent wouldn't go after anyone here because of what he had just said.**_

_"That's all right, officer.  You were just doing your job.  I wouldn't want anyone to snatch one of these kids either."  Sandoval looked back out at the children playing in the field.  "Are there any other officers who patrol this park?  I don't want to explain myself again.  Just tell them and the parents I'm an off-duty law enforcement officer.  And I would prefer it if my presence here did **not become part of the gossip in the precinct.  I don't want people knowing where to find me all the time, officer?"  He paused, making the last part a question.**_

_"Oh, I'm sorry sir.  Officer Mitchell.  I normally patrol this park.  I'll make sure the other patrolmen know not to bother you.  And I'll tell the parents that you're an off-duty officer."  He completely understood the Agent not wanting his colleagues to know he spent time in the park.  He needed a place to get away from it all occasionally as well.  And with a global, you were never out of reach if you were needed.  Still, with everything in the media these days about the Companions, he was worried about exactly why Protector Sandoval spent so much time in the park.  He wouldn't have thought the man would have any free time.  _

_"If I may ask, sir, why are you so interested in the children?"  He didn't want to suspect the agent, either of being interested in the children for a perverted reason or being interested in them for an even scarier reason.   He'd heard rumors of things that had happened on the mothership and in Taelon labs.  He didn't want to imagine any child going through that.  He hoped the agent would answer, but wouldn't have been surprised if he didn't.  People took even being suspected of hurting children very seriously, but he needed to know **why the Agent spent so much time in the park if only to satisfy his own misgivings.  He didn't want to keep suspecting a fellow officer of the law of abusing children, or of choosing children to be snatched away in the middle of the night for some Taelon experiment.**_

_Sandoval sighed.  He knew, if the officer were a good one, that simply giving his name and rank wouldn't prevent the officer from remaining suspicious of his reasons for being here.  While he knew he had to tell the officer something, he didn't want anyone knowing the truth.  So he opted for a half-truth.  "There's a child that I care for very much that I can't see because of my job.  Seeing these children playing reminds me of him.  It relaxes me."  There.  Just enough of the truth to get by, with no names or ages or relationships that anyone could use against him._

_"I understand."  The officer looked sadly at him wondering what the relationship between the child and the Agent was.  "When my wife left me, she took our two daughters with her.  I can only see them every couple of months now that she's moved to California.  I'll make sure the other officers don't bother you.  I'll tell them and the parents what you asked me to.  And I won't spread this around the precinct." If only because I think you would be very unhappy with me if you found out I had.__  He mounted his horse.  It was a reasonable enough explanation.  He'd keep an eye on the Agent, but he didn't expect to see anything._

_"Thank you," Sandoval replied before Officer Mitchell rode away._

****************

Sandoval blinked, forcing the memory back.  It hadn't taken much time, just enough for Mitchell to dismount and head over.  These memory intrusions were getting worse, but he needed the CVI badly enough that he put up with them.  He _had to put up with them if he wanted to keep the CVI.  However, the increase in number and intensity of the memory intrusions clearly demonstrated that his CVI was deteriorating.  Eventually, he would have to have it removed, or be unable to function at all, but he would hold off on its removal for as long as possible.  He intended to have the CVI removed only when its drawbacks clearly outweighed its advantages.  _

He looked back over to Peter, noticing that he was nervous.  Liam had obviously picked up on it and was doing his best to calm Peter down.  Clearly, the boy's father had taught him to be wary of police officers- a good way to keep him from approaching them and telling them what his father had done to him.  Still, whatever the Major was saying seemed to be working as Peter was calming down, albeit slowly.

As soon as Mitchell got close, Sandoval started filling him in on what he had seen.  He needed to get this over with quickly; he was definitely late in returning to work now.  It had been over two hours.  Soon, if he knew the Volunteer Captain at the Embassy, Volunteer squads patrolling the city would be told to look for him.  The Captain was an ambitious man, and with the ever present danger of an attack on Companion personnel, he was trying to be noticed by being hyper-vigilant.  He couldn't simply call Sandoval on his global, not having the priority codes to get a direct line rather than the mail system.  Well-known people screened their calls, allowing only those with authorized codes, and sending the others to a mail system.  And Sandoval switched his global to hold most authorized calls while he was at the park.  However Liam had known Sandoval came to this park, he probably hadn't told the Volunteer captain.  So the Volunteers would spread out through the city looking for him, not a pleasant proposition considering the current anti-Taelon feeling among the general population.

Mitchell listened calmly to his report, taking down notes on his global that could be uploaded to the main police computer immediately.  The officer displayed none of the antagonism he had come to expect from the police over the last few weeks as public sentiment against the Taelons had risen, probably because he already knew Sandoval.  The police still did as ordered, but with a lot more reluctance, and then did only the minimal required.  They had stopped being interested in helping the Taelons catch criminals when they realized that most of the criminals disappeared instead of going to jail.

Looking past the officer who was busily finishing writing his notes, Sandoval was able to keep an eye on Liam and Peter.  Liam seemed to be doing amazingly well at keeping Peter calm, no surprise when you realized he often acted like a little boy, and was emotionally only a small child.  He still wasn't certain how to deal with that revelation, and the Major wasn't likely to make it any easier.  

**No, he knew what he wanted to do, he just wasn't certain how to accomplish it.  He wanted to apologize to the Major, to _Liam, for his previous actions, but he knew Liam would never believe him.  He wanted to show Liam that caring was not linked with abuse, but he had done so much to reinforce that concept in Liam's mind, he might never convince him that abuse wasn't a requirement of caring.  It was amazing how a couple of simple facts could change how he saw Liam so completely.  Looking at him now, Sandoval didn't see the abrupt, abrasive Major he had seen before.  He saw a little boy, hiding behind a mask, protecting his heart in the only way he knew how.  He saw a child, reaching out for attention, and suddenly realized why the Major had acted like he did around Sandoval.  __Liam wanted attention, wanted someone to notice him, and he had acted as he had because negative attention was better than none.  When I was angry with him or argued with him, at least I was paying attention to him.  He just wants someone to notice him, _****Liam, and not the Companion Protector.  Has he never had someone notice him in a positive way?  Has anyone ever complimented him or congratulated him for his accomplishments?  I don't know that I ever have, Sandoval thought guiltily_.  I've just assumed understood that he had done well.  And berated him loudly when he had not. _**

Just then Mitchell looked over at him and said, "I want to thank you for your report.  But I'm wondering how you managed to get Peter?, is it?, to talk to you.  No offense, but you're an intimidating man.  And most kids wouldn't tell information like that to a complete stranger."  He had wondered how Sandoval had managed that feat.  And he knew the police department had sufficiently divorced itself of -the Taelons are perfect- idea that they wouldn't transfer him just for questioning a Companion Protector.

"I knew someone in Peter's position," Sandoval replied quietly, almost absently, as he listened to Liam ask about Peter's family, trying to find someone he could stay with instead of his father.  Sandoval wondered if anyone had ever noticed the bruises that had likely been present on Liam- if anyone in _his family had ever tried to help him.  Where had Liam's mother been?  Had she noticed the bruises, the neglect, and just not cared or had she also been abused?  He tried to remember Liam's file, but couldn't remember anything more than that both parents were dead.  Still, had __no one, no teacher, no friend, no relative __noticed the abuse Liam had suffered?  He was pulled out of his growing anger at Liam's childhood friends and family as he noticed a woman stomping across the park towards them.  She was muttering angrily under her breath._

Stopping only a foot in front of Sandoval, she stared up at him fearlessly, almost poking him in the chest with her finger as she shook it at him.  "Well?" she asked imperiously.  "Where's the child?  Or did you just get me out here on some wild goose chase?"  Sandoval was almost hit more than once by her wildly swinging finger, but he refused to back up.  _She was getting in __his space.  Backing up would make her the tacit winner, and he wasn't going to allow __that.  "Companion Protectors think they're so high and mighty.  They can order any one around.  Doesn't matter that people have ten other cases on their desk that need to be done now.  Oh, no, Protectors," she virtually spat the word, "are more important.  What they want comes ahead of everything.   I'm surprised you even got your head out of your backside enough to notice any signs of child abuse.  Hell, with what I've heard recently about the Companions, I wouldn't be surprised if you had abused the child yourself!"  She took a breath and visibly calmed down.  "So why had you got me out here now?  Where's the child?"_

Sandoval stared at her in surprise, amazed that any government employee would be so abrupt, and, yes, _rude, with him.  He still had power, even now that the Taelons' popularity was on the decline, and people knew that.  He wanted to tear her to pieces, but if he did, it might take another case worker quite a while to make it to the park which would waste even more time, and, he admitted, quietly, he didn't want Peter to see him verbally flay her.  While he was too far away to hear their conversation, Peter would be able to guess a lot of it from their expressions.  Liam, he thought sadly, already knew how dangerous he was.  He didn't want Peter to realize it.  Still, he wasn't about to put up with that sort of attitude._

His eyes narrowed as he said, "_You are here because there has been an allegation of child abuse.  __I am here because whatever you may think of the Companions, or their Protectors, there was some things I will not tolerate.  Abuse of a child is one such thing.  There can never be an excuse for child abuse.  It is one of the most heinous crimes imaginable.  You should know that." Behind him, he thought he heard a whisper of an approaching person, but he was too caught up in his anger at the case worker to really notice it.  "As for your suggestion that I might harm a child…" He took a breath, trying to get his anger under control.   "I despise child abusers.  Children are one of our most precious resources, and I can't understand how anyone can harm a child."  Grabbing her arm, her pulled her around to see Peter sitting on the bench with Liam.  "There's your abused child," He growled softly.  __Both of them.  "Now calm down, and act like the professional you __supposedly are."  His tone's softness as an indication of his anger.  When he became extremely angry, his voice often became soft and sharp._

Letting go of her arm, he turned around, having heard a muffled snort behind him at his last volley.  **_Wonderful.  Not eight feet behind were an entire squad of Volunteers arrayed in a semi-circle.  Easily within listening distance.  He recognized several of the members from the mothership.  They were one of the squads he had the most dealings with.  "__Captain?  Is there a reason for you to be here?"  He was irritated, and was not adverse to showing it.  Partially at the Volunteers, but mostly at himself.  __Ten Volunteers had managed to sneak up on him.  He had been so distracted by the case worker that _****_ten people had managed to get within fifteen feet of him. _****_TEN.  If they had been Resistance, he would be dead now.  While it was true that the Volunteers had received stealth training, it was inexcusable that he hadn't heard them approaching.  He needed to take his anger, and yes, fear, out on someone.  But, he didn't want to attack Liam with it as he had so many times before.  So he turned it on the Volunteers.  He could bully and browbeat Volunteers more easily than government workers and with less guilt than attacking Liam._**

"No, SIR.  We just saw you with the police officer and wondered if you needed assistance."  Seeing the anger growing on Sandoval's face, he hurried on.  "But I can see you have it under control so we'll be going."  He turned to his troops, and yelled, "Move out!  There's nothing going on here.  We've got work to do."  And he and his troops double-timed it away from Sandoval hoping Sandoval wouldn't remember who they were.  He had an unpleasant habit of _dealing with those that saw him lose or even reach a draw in a confrontation. _

Sandoval watched as the Volunteer squad double-timed it out of the park.  It was _possible the squad had been sent to find him.  But the Volunteer Captain should have tried to contact him via his global before sending out search teams.  While he had blocked his global to most incoming calls, it would have beeped if any messages had come in.  He didn't remember any such beep but pulled out his global to be certain.  No.  No waiting messages.  Nothing.  So either it was a coincidence that squad was in the park, or the Captain had sent out search teams without attempting to contact him first, a serious breach of procedure.   He almost hoped it was the latter.  While he had managed to work off some of his frustration and anger during his confrontation with the woman from Child Services, who, he realized with irritation, hadn't even bothered to introduce herself, he was still quite angry.  Angry at her, at Peter's father, at Liam's father, at himself for so many reasons, all revolving around Liam, at everyone who hurt children and didn't realize the damage they were doing.   He needed something or someone to take that anger out on.  He couldn't take it out on Liam, as he had so many times before, not knowing what he knew now.  _

His ways of releasing his anger and stress were becoming fewer and fewer.  He couldn't spend al his time in the park.  He didn't feel right arguing with Liam now that he knew that Liam looked to him as a surrogate father.  He couldn't use the Kobe Club that often any more, either.  Too many people knew to find him there.  Besides, he was vulnerable there.  Look how easily Liam had gotten the drop on him there.  He didn't have any friends or hobbies that could diffuse his stress.  And so it built up every day, until he unloaded it on someone, normally Liam.  With that avenue closed, he was going to have to come up with a different way of dealing.  After all, he couldn't spend all his time at the park watching the children.  

Maybe he should take up a hobby.  Other than child watching.  He snorted, _yeah, right.  He had too much else to do to spend time on such a wasteful activity.  On the other hand, if he decided to take up a hobby of finding ANA agents and sympathizers on the mothership, that wouldn't be wasteful.  And, he would be able to take out his anger and stress on them.  Oh, he didn't plan on killing them.  Unless, of course, Ulrick ordered his death again.  But playing with their heads could be so much fun.  A terrified subordinate made for a happy implant.  That, or hunting down all the child abusers in the police database and __dealing with them __creatively.  That would also be a good hobby to take up, and it would certainly reduce his stress levels.  He'd have to think about it.  Both of them sounded like excellent methods of relieving stress._

He looked down at his global and sighed.  There would be time to think about that later.  Before returning his global to his pocket, he turned off the message service, insuring that incoming calls would be directed to him.  Before turning back to the bench, he absently noted that, due to his position, Officer Mitchell had certainly heard every word of both conversations.  They were certain to be the talk of the stationhouse before long.  For a moment, he thought of ordering Mitchell to keep his mouth shut, but he realized it would be futile.  He had no real authority over the officer, and such an order would destroy whatever good will there was between them.

And then, there were the Volunteers.  He had heard them snickering behind him, but by the time he had turned around their expressions had been carefully blank.  But he knew someone had been laughing at him.  He was going to have to do something to convince them to keep their mouths shut.  He hated being the target of gossip.  Maybe an extended duty somewhere they couldn't talk to anyone.  A stint at the survival training facility would work.  Five days of wilderness training, maybe in the mountains, would push any thought of Sandoval's confrontation with the Child Services worker out of their minds.  Plus, he thought quietly, he didn't want them blabbing to people that the hard-nosed, unfeeling Protector had a softer side, even if it was for abused children.  People didn't need to know that he still had feelings.  It could all too easily be used against him.

Sighing again as he turned to the bench, Sandoval was startled to see Liam standing only a few feet away, probably to give Peter some privacy with the case worker.  _How had he gotten so close?  I haven't been paying enough attention to my surroundings, he berated himself.  __That could get me killed one day.  He often wondered why he hadn't noticed the Major at the Kobe Club.  For some reason, his instinctive reaction to danger didn't seem to work correctly around Liam.  He normally kept track of everyone in his surroundings, since anyone could be a danger, but his body didn't seem to react to Liam's presence like it did to everyone else.  For some reason his instincts just didn't function concerning Liam.  Maybe they had realized the Major thought of him as a surrogate father before his brain realized it.  Whatever the reason, this lack of response was dangerous, but there wasn't much he could do about it… except maybe to get the Major on his side and then he wouldn't have to worry._

His anger by no means gone, Sandoval sharply asked, "Are you ready to leave now, Major?  _Some of us have work to do."  What was he doing?  He had promised himself not five minutes ago that he would stop taking his anger out on Liam.  And what was he doing?  Taking his anger out on Liam.  He hadn't even thought about what he was saying; it had just come out.  And even worse was the lack of response to his inaccurate accusation on Liam's face.  It was as though Liam accepted such barbed comments without even noticing their inaccuracy and unfairness anymore.  __Liam wasn't the one holding them here.  No one was.  But he had wanted to take his anger out on someone, and Liam had been that person, yet again._

Liam didn't even sound angry at Sandoval's unfair comment as he said, "Give me a minute, Sandoval."  He turned and walked back to the bench with Sandoval trailing after several steps back.  The conversation between Peter and the case worker stopped as Liam crouched in front of Peter.  Clearly she didn't want to talk in front of a Companion Protector, even if he had been one of those to report the abuse.

"I have to go back to work now."  He pulled a small plastic card out of his coat.  "This is my access card.  Just put it into a global or the slot at a communications booth, and it'll connect me with you.  I want to know how things are going with you.  I expect to hear from you.  All right?"  He smiled as he asked the question.

Peter reached out and took the card, looking at it carefully.  "I can use any communications booth?  But don't they cost money?"

"It'll work anywhere.  And no, you don't need to worry about money.  It'll charge me.  Just remember to call me, ok?  I want to make certain you're doing all right."

"Ok," he sniffled.  Leaning towards Liam, he asked, "Are you going to tell someone about…?" He trailed off.  The hostile look in the case worker's face was replaced by interest as she tried to figure out what Peter as talking about.

"I promised I would, didn't I?  I will."  He looked nervously in the case worker's direction, not wanting her to guess what they were talking about.  Her attitude indicated that she wouldn't be interested in anything a Taelon employee had to say.  Sandoval thought it unlikely Liam would confide in her.  Liam would probably talk to one of his friends, though as Sandoval thought about it, he realized he didn't know if Liam had any friends that he would trust enough to tell about his abuse.  It made him even more curious who Liam would talk to.

As Liam got up, Sandoval turned to Officer Mitchell.  The officer hadn't moved from his previous location outside of easy talking distance to anyone on the bench, wanting to give Peter and the case worker some privacy while assuring their safety and privacy from prying eyes and ears.  "I want a copy of your report forwarded to me."  He too wanted to know what happened to Peter, but he didn't know the boy's last name, and he wasn't about to ask it while _that woman was there._

As soon as the Major reached him, Sandoval headed toward the park entrance.  It was only a few blocks back to the embassy.

The walk back was silent, with Liam busy sorting through his memories trying to determine what his reactions to Sandoval meant and who he was going to talk to about his abuse.  Sandoval, on the other hand, was trying to determine the best way to try and get Liam to open up to him, and trying to remember to think before he spoke to Liam.  He didn't want to be any more of a bad example to Liam than he was already.  By the time they reached the embassy, he had an idea of what he wanted to say to Liam, and was just looking for a place they wouldn't be disturbed to talk.  

There. That was perfect. 

***************

As they headed backed to the Embassy, Liam tried to adjust to what he had learned today.  It was hard to imagine Sandoval caring about anyone but himself, but he had seen the look on Sandoval's face when he saw the belt marks on Peter's back.  Sandoval had been outraged.  He obviously had extremely strong feelings about child abuse, particularly considering what he had said to Liam, and what he had probably said to that Child Services worker.  Liam wondered what had happened in Sandoval's childhood that he had such strong feelings about child abuse.  Had he been abused?  Liam couldn't remember anything like that from what he had of Sandoval's memories, but that didn't mean anything.  He didn't remember most of Sandoval's life, and what little he did remember he saw as if through thick fog.  The general images were there, but the details were obscured.

In a way, it would make sense if Sandoval had been abused as a child.  It was well-known that abused children became abusers themselves, and Sandoval had definitely abused him.  On the other hand, Sandoval didn't know Liam was his child, so he wouldn't be reacting like he would to a child.  And Sandoval's attitude towards Peter's father was one of anger, not the attitude he thought someone inclined to abuse would have.  So what had caused such a strong reaction in Sandoval to the sight of child abuse?  Had he see it before?

Whatever it was, Sandoval had definitely abused him.  He had finally realized that.  And he had promised Peter he would tell someone about it.  But who?  The list of people who knew the truth about him that he trusted was depressingly small.

He dismissed Renee quickly.  She didn't even understand his feelings towards Sandoval.  She couldn't understand how he would even want to see Sandoval as his father, so she certainly wouldn't be able to understand that he felt his father had abused him.

Lili would understand, but she was on Jaridia, not exactly in communications distance.  She _would understand, he was certain of that.  She had been his foster mother, his big sister.  She understood his need to love his parents, to have some sort of relationship with them however remote._

Augur was another person he was convinced would understand about his feelings toward Sandoval.  After all, he had helped Liam get Sandoval some of Liam's blood to save his life.  But Augur was incommunicado- Liam didn't have a clue as to where he was.  And that was something Liam was still angry about.  Augur had been his best friend since Lili's death/disappearance, and yet he had completely disappeared not even leaving Liam a way to contact him.  All of which made Liam wonder if they were really friends after all.  Friends don't just leave you in the lurch when you need them.

Street _might understand.  From what he knew of her past, her parents had been pretty awful to her.  But could he burden her with this?  Despite being fifteen years younger than her, he still thought of her as a child.  He didn't want her to have to deal with his mixed up feelings._

That left Alistair, Drs. Park, Belman, and Curzon.  But there was a problem with telling any of them.  While he thought they would be sympathetic and understand his feelings, the thought of telling any of them anything about how he felt about how Sandoval treated him caused a huge knot to form in his stomach.  He was quite simply terrified of telling them, of telling anyone, about his feelings.  He was afraid, he realized-- afraid that they would say he shouldn't be feeling this way, afraid that they would tell him to get over it.  If he thought about it logically, he knew they wouldn't say anything like that, but he was thinking with his emotions, not his head.  He wasn't even certain of what he wanted to say, his emotions were too jumbled up.  Maybe, if he knew what he was going to say, he'd know who to talk to.

Liam hadn't been paying much attention to his surroundings, trusting his feet and Sandoval to know the way back to the Embassy, and so he was surprised to realize they had already reached the Embassy.  It had seemed that only a moment ago they had left the park.  

He wasn't surprised, though, that Sandoval hadn't said anything to him on their walk back.  Sandoval rarely said anything that wasn't an order to him.  Therefore he was startled when Sandoval gently grabbed his lower arm and pulled him into a side room in the Embassy.  It was one of the smaller sitting rooms, made for guests waiting to see Da'an.  With the decline in the popularity of the Taelons, fewer visitors came, and many of the waiting areas had become disused, like this one.  There was no one present, and from the look of the room, it hadn't been used in some time.  Why had Sandoval dragged him in here?  What was he up to?

************

Sandoval quickly pulled Liam into one of the disused sitting rooms on the first floor.  It was a room rarely used by visitors because of its small size, and it had clearly not been used recently.  Now, he just had to muster the courage to try to start healing the damage he had caused to the relationship between himself and Liam, damage he would never have thought of healing until the revelations today.  He didn't want to consider himself a child abuser, but he was- at least of a person who was emotionally a child.  And that was _unacceptable.  He would not continue to be an abuser, and more importantly, he would teach Liam that love and abuse did not go hand and hand.  He didn't want Liam to "grow up" to become an abuser himself, as many children of child abusers did.  Right now, in Sandoval's mind, Liam was a prime candidate to become an abuser.  He was aggressive and volatile, changing from one emotional extreme to the other in the blink of an eye, with no current attachments to anyone.  A year or more ago, he would have said Da'an and Liam were friends, but not now.  His relationship with Da'an had apparently deteriorated from friendship to a relationship not unlike that of Da'an and Sandoval near the end of their time together.  He did his job, nothing more.  With his previous abuse, he was likely to subconsciously associate showing love with abuse.  It would be easy for him to start abusing his girlfriend or eventual children._

But he was going to have to start small, and see if Liam would accept even an overture from him.  As he turned to face Liam, he saw the distrust and suspicion showing clearly in his eyes.  Simply pulling him aside for a conversation had caused those emotions to appear.  They had gotten to the point where Liam automatically distrusted everything Sandoval said or did.  It would take a lot to get past that, but Sandoval felt he had to try.

And so he started simply.  "I'm pleased, and amazed, Major, that you managed to talk to Peter without terrifying him or causing him to refuse to tell anyone what had happened."

Liam looked suspiciously at Sandoval.  Whatever he had expected Sandoval to say, this was clearly not it.  "How do you know what I said to him?"  

"You weren't that quiet at times, Major," Sandoval replied with a small smile.  Though he should know better, he couldn't resist seeing what Liam's reaction to him hearing Liam's conversation with Peter would be. He didn't miss the flicker of fear that passed through Liam's eyes at that statement as Liam tried to guess what Sandoval might have heard.  Sandoval didn't have to guess what Liam was thinking.  It was obvious he was worried about how much Sandoval had heard and how he was going to use it against Liam.  The thought of Sandoval knowing the truth about his abuse was clearly terrifying to Liam. 

Sandoval realized sadly that he was right; he had a lot to make up for before Liam would trust him with such sensitive information.  And so he decided to tell a little lie to calm the Major down.  He sighed, "I watched your body language as you talked.  Peter leaned toward you, not away.  He wasn't afraid of anything you said.  He spoke to the case worker easily, and Officer Mitchell's presence didn't scare him.  They didn't have to try to convince him to talk.  Finally, he accepted your card with a smile, not reluctantly.  I wouldn't be surprised if Peter contacted you again."

"You really think he'd contact me again?"  Liam replied, trying to sound casual about it.

"Why wouldn't he?  The two of you seemed to get along fine."  _And have a lot in common.  _

"Wait a minute.  You were watching closely enough that you saw Peter's body language?"  Liam's mouth dropped into a slight frown as he looked defiantly into Sandoval's eyes.  "You didn't trust me with him." He looked startled, and scared, for a second, as though he hadn't intended to say that last part out loud.

That last statement was a minefield if he ever heard one.  "I trust you to be yourself, Major.  But you've had no experience with abused children."  _Other than being one yourself.  "I wanted to make sure you didn't say anything inappropriate.  Comforting and gaining the confidence of an abused child are not things you've done before.  My vigilance in watching you had nothing to do with my belief in your abilities."  __What are you so afraid of?  Are scared I'll find out that you care what I think about you?  Who made you so scared to show that you care about people?  It obviously occurred when you were a child.  Was it your father?  Did he betray your trust in him?  Was he the one that taught you to hide how you truly felt because people would just use that knowledge to manipulate you?  And then, as you slowly learned better, I came along and reinforced those early lessons in life.  I truly hate your father for teaching you people can't be trusted, although I admit, I have never given you any reason to trust me.  Everyone should have at least one person they trust.  But you don't.  And that kind of loneliness can destroy a person._

"You mean that you actually believe in my abilities?  And was that actual praise I heard?  Are you sure someone didn't hit you on the head Sandoval?"  Liam just looked confused and a little shocked, as if the idea of Sandoval complimenting anyone was so foreign he couldn't believe it had occurred.  

"I have been known to compliment people, Major, when they deserve it.  And I have learned that the occasional acknowledgement increases job performance."

"So you're just saying that.  You didn't mean it."  Liam got a small frown on his face that, Sandoval reflected, must drive the ladies wild.  They loved little puppy dog frowns.  And his expressions looked so much like that of a child.

Sandoval sighed.  Liam managed to take everything the wrong way.  "That's not what I said, Major.  I _said that I compliment people when they deserve it.  Not that I lie and compliment those that don't deserve it.  Accept the compliment for what it is.  Now, if there's nothing to discuss, I need to return to the mothership."_

Liam looked so surprised as he realized Sandoval meant the compliment, that it seemed to take him a while to realize Sandoval was waiting for him to answer a question.  He shook his head, as if to try to let reality back in, and then replied, "No.  There's nothing going on that we need to discuss."

"Very well."  And Sandoval turned to leave the room, leaving behind one very confused Companion Protector.  

****************

Liam had gone through the rest of the day in a fog.  After Sandoval had left, Liam had looked up child abuse on his computer, trying to convince himself that his revelation of earlier was wrong.  He was an adult, damn it, not a child.  Adults don't suffer child abuse.  He couldn't be abused.  But he hadn't managed to convince himself.  Everything he read seemed to confirm his earlier realization- he had been abused.  He just hadn't realized it until his talk with Peter, and, he admitted, his conversation with Sandoval.  But his feelings towards his father were symptomatic of abuse.  And many of the descriptions he had read of both emotional and physical abuse had seemed to fit him too.  Damn it!  How could he have been abused and not realized it?  It was all there in his actions and responses to Sandoval.

Everything seemed changed now that he had admitted to himself that his father had abused him.  He had gone over and over the list of people he trusted to find someone to talk to, but he kept coming up empty.  He headed home that night still uncertain about what he was going to do.

When he reached his apartment, he typed in this month's code, and then the secondary code.  It was a sophisticated alarm system, far more sophisticated than it looked.  There was a reason for that, of course.  After several conversations with Augur right after he became a Protector, Liam had taken to sweeping his apartment on a regular basis for bugs.  After finding and removing them for the third time, he had talked to Augur about a new security system.  They had installed a system that required a password be typed in.  Installing a DNA scanner or retina scanner would only have looked suspicious, considering how costly such systems were.  After all, what reason did a Companion Protector have for such an expensive system?  

He had used a couple of simple passwords but had discovered still more bugs in his apartment.  After a long talk with Augur learning how people cracked security systems, he had changed his passwords.  He had also had Augur add a couple of features to the system.  Now, if a secondary code wasn't entered within a minute of the primary code, the infrared cameras in the apartment would automatically start recording.  He wanted to catch the spy.  While he thought it was likely to be Sandoval, there were several other choices, including Doors, and now Renee.  The secondary code was one no one was likely to guess since they didn't even know it was needed.  It was his real birthday, not Liam Kincaid's, but his.  The only person who knew a secondary code was needed was Augur, so even if someone broke in, he'd know about it.

After talking to Augur, he had learned that most systems for cracking passwords either went through all the possible combinations, which meant a long password was best, or went through all the words in a dictionary.  For better security he rotated which password he used once a month.  No one was likely to guess RSandoval or SBeckette or LMarquette or Kimera or Siobhan.  With a small smile, he tried to envision Sandoval's face if he ever discovered that his name was one of Liam's passwords.   No one had managed to break into his apartment since that security upgrade.  Of course, those weren't the passwords on record with the Taelons.  Those were much more prosaic, and much easier for people to steal.  He knew Sandoval had access to them.  After all, you never knew when someone might need to access a Protector's dwelling to retrieve clothing for an injured colleague, aid an unconscious Protector, or even search for a bomb.

After dropping his keys on the bookcase near the door, he collapsed into a chair.  His eyes flitted from item to item in his living room as he tried once again to decide who to talk to.  Then his eyes lit on a small urn on one of the bookcases.  **_Of course.__  Why didn't I think of that earlier?  He paused.  __Probably because she can't help me decide what to do next.  Still, maybe talking to her will help me get everything out in the open.  And then I can decide what to do or who to talk to.  He was looking at an urn containing, not his mother's ashes, but soil from her grave and a couple of locks of hair.  For Liam, it had a connection to his mother's grave, and hence to her.  He spoke to her in this room when he couldn't risk anyone at her grave overhearing what he wanted to say.  For that same reason, he couldn't talk to the heavens because there were spies and traitors everywhere.  He had learned that the hard way.  _**

But this was a very private conversation.  He wanted to make absolutely certain that no one was listening in, so he rechecked the apartment for bugs.  And then he checked the balcony outside for any sort of device.  This wasn't a conversation he wanted Sandoval, or Renee, to overhear.

Satisfied with the negative readings, Liam sat back down in his chair, staring at the urn.  This wasn't a conversation he even knew how to begin.  Still, she wasn't going to complain about his confusion.

But there was something Liam had to say before he started talking about his problems.  "Mum," he admitted quietly, "I miss ye.  I know if you were alive, we wouldn't be having this conversation as ye would won't know about me, but that doesn't matter.  I'd still prefer ye here and not knowing about me to your death."  He paused, looking up at the sky with tears glistening in his eyes.  "I still miss ye."  After a few moments, he wiped away the tears and tried to get back to the topic at hand, namely his father's actions in the past.

"Mum, I really don't know what to say.  I don't even know where to start."  He smiled briefly but sadly.  "I can just see ye saying 'Start with the worst, my boy.  Let it out, and the rest will follow.'"  He paused, and finally said, "Start with the worst.  I can do this," he encouraged himself.  He took a great gulp of air as if to fortify himself and then boldly stated, "I realized today that Da has abused me.  I hadn't even thought of his actions as abuse until I talked to Peter, and read some information on child abuse.  I never thought of his torture of me as abuse, not consciously at least.  I mean, you're supposed to recognize when you're abused, aren't you?  So I didn't think of it as abuse.  In order to call what he did abuse, I have to admit that I think of him as my father, and I didn't want to admit that."

He paused to pick nervously at some fibers pulling away from the chair arm.  "The torture hurt, but even worse was his saying that he enjoyed his work.  He _enjoyed hurting me."  Liam abruptly got up from his chair and started pacing around the room. "I know that I shouldn't be taking it so personally.  He doesn't realize how much what he did hurt me.  I didn't even realize how much it hurt until just now.  I just tried to bury my pain- to ignore it.  At least he was paying attention to me.  But I never expected him to hurt me like that!"  Liam's eyes glistened with tears.  _

"I know he doesn't realize the truth, but he'd never hurt me physically before.  I never even thought he would, not really.  Oh, he'd tried to kill me before, but I don't think that was really personal, but just business.  I was in the way.  I never thought he wanted to see me in pain.  I thought he felt something for me, some glimmer of friendship that he tried to hide.  I didn't think he requested my help and input all those times just because I was Da'an's protector.  I honestly thought he felt something for me.  But when he stood there and said he enjoyed torturing me- that convinced me that the only emotions he had left were hatred and anger.  I couldn't see anyone with an ounce of compassion standing there and enjoying someone's pain.  I thought he hated me then."  Liam collapsed back into his chair and scrubbed his eyes with his hands to dash away the tears that had formed.

"I truly thought my own father hated me!!"  After a few seconds he looked up, teary-eyed.  "But maybe he's just hiding his feelings.  I can hope."

"Mum," he admitted quietly, "I'm terrified of Da."  His hands were twisting around each other continuously and his eyes were downcast, as if his compulsive handwringing was more important by far than the admission he was making.  "I'm afraid that he'll kill me because I'm in his way, or even just because he's annoyed with me.  He's tried so many times before.  I've seen what he does to prisoners, and I'm terrified of him doing the same to me."  

With a strained smile, he said lightly,  "I can see ye saying, 'If he knew the truth, he would never harm ye,' but you don't know that!"  He virtually shouted with tears in his voice and clenched fists.  "He doesn't like me now.  Why would the fact that I'm his child change anything?  It's not like he remembers my conception or, for all I know, even wants a child.  I want him to love me for myself, not just because I'm his son.  I don't want his pity."  He closed his eyes for a second.  "Despite everything he's done to me, I want his love.  But I don't want it if the only reason he cares for me is because I'm his son and not because he likes me for who I am."

Liam hugged himself tightly and started slowly rocking back and forth in the chair.  "It hurts so much when he rejects every overture of friendship I make.  It's like he doesn't think I'm worth knowing, that he has better things to do than get to know me.  I know I should act like an adult, and not think that his rejection of my friendship is a rejection of me.  He doesn't know how I feel about him, so I shouldn't blame him for the pain he inadvertently causes me.  But I do.  How can I not?  He's my father, and he doesn't even want to know me!  I thought that I thought of him as just a genetic donor- as someone who had had a part in my conception and that I cared somewhat for in the hope that one day he would know the truth and care for me.  But when I talked to him today, I realized that all the excuses I was using for why Peter's father abused him were excuses I also used to try to convince myself that my father didn't mean to hurt me either.  That made me realize that he meant more to me than a colleague.  I was seeing him as my Da, and was trying to find a reason why someone who should love would hurt me."

"And finally, the CVI implantations, real and threatened.  I know Zo'or was the one who wanted me implanted with a surveillance CVI, which was bad enough, but when Da threatened to implant me with a real CVI after I had risked my life just to reach the mothership to try and save him, with a functional MI, I just couldn't believe it.  He hated every minute he was under the MI, and yet he was willing to give one to me.  To torture me in the worst way he had ever experienced, having your own body betray you.  Does he hate me so much that he is willing to torture me that way?  Or was he just desperate with nowhere to turn?  Why didn't he even try to work with me?  Did he hate me enough to put me in the same hell he's in-having betrayed all your friends and family- your entire race?  Being considered the greatest traitor ever known?  Did he want me to understand how it felt?  Or did he want someone to share that hell with him, someone to understand what he's going through?"  He paused meditatively.  "Or was he just too scared to think of any alternatives?"

"Does he hate me or not?  He wouldn't compliment someone he hated, would he?"  His voice quivered as if the two disparate ideas were fighting it out in his voice.  "And if he doesn't hate me, why does he act like he does?  Why does he let the only emotions I see from him be anger and irritation?"  He paused, thinking over Sandoval's attitude towards him.  "But he wasn't angry when he complimented me.  And he didn't act like he was as irritated with me as he normally is."

  He sighed.  "What he said and did today managed to completely screw up the image I had built of him over the last three months.  With everything he's done, I had created this image in my head of a totally ruthless man who would kill anyone who got in his way, who didn't feel anything for the innocents that were harmed by his actions, who thought the ends justified the means.  But today he showed that he can care for an innocent harmed, that he does still feel compassion.  So why are the only emotions I've ever seen from him irritation, anger, and hatred?  Is he afraid to show me that he has feelings?  Is he afraid I'll use his feelings against him?  I'm certain he knows that I at least support the ANA and Resistance.  So why is he so afraid to show me his feelings?"  He paused, looking thoughtfully into the distance.  "Does he think I'll use them against him?  Why would he think that?  He knows that I know his MI isn't working, and that he's helping the Jaridians against the Taelons.  I wonder why he hasn't even approached me since he knows I'm a Resistance supporter.  Does he just not trust me?

"And today.  Today confused the heck out of me."  He paused, shaking his head disbelievingly.    "He actually complimented me this afternoon.  He never has before.  And it's not like I did everything right today.  So why did he compliment me today and not before?  Was he just trying to distract me from the fact that he showed compassion for another since he tries not to show that to anyone, or was there another reason?  I know his MI's not working, and he knows that I know it's not working and that he can feel compassion, so a distraction from his admission of emotion wouldn't be the reason he complimented me."  

Liam paused, and his mouth formed an O as his jaw dropped.  His eyes suddenly widened in terror.  "Oh, God.  I forgot all about the CVI this afternoon.  I remember that it enhanced Mum's hearing.  Is it possible he overheard my conversation with Peter?  Please, God no."  His eyes began tearing up again.  "Please, oh please say he didn't hear me.  I can't stand for him to know how much he's hurt me.  I'm afraid to give him that much control over me."  Liam tried to take slow, steady breaths.  "Calm down, calm down.  It's not like I told Peter Sandoval was my father.  And even if Sandoval did hear my conversation with Peter, all he would know was that I had been abused as a child.  He wouldn't realize he was the abuser.  He wouldn't realize how much power his actions toward me have over me."  His breathing slowed, as he added, "He probably didn't even hear me.  He didn't show any sign that he had, and his CVI has been breaking down."

"Mum, I've been thinking about what Peter said- about telling someone, and what da said- that if I don't say something, the abuse won't stop.  But- there's no one I can tell who can get the abuse to stop.  It's not like what I say will reach the police and they'll arrest him.  The only way to get him to stop abusing me is to tell him how I feel.  And I can't.  I can't let him have that much power over me.  If he knows how I feel about him, he'll use it against me, I know he will."  He let out a long, slow breath.  "And don't tell me he wouldn't.  You haven't seen the person he is now.  I can't let him know I'm his child.  I'm too scared to.  So how do I tell him that he's hurting his child without revealing that that child is me?"  Liam stared at his mother's urn, his eyes unfocused, as he tried to think of a way to tell Sandoval how much he had hurt his child without letting the trail lead back to him.

*****************

Liam walked down the corridor in the mothership still uncertain he was doing the right thing.  It was the best solution he could come up with, but he was having his doubts.  It was too late to turn back now though.  Other people knew what he was doing on the mothership.

At least Sandoval wasn't acting as badly towards him as he used to.  Liam had noticed that over the last couple of days, ever since his conversation with Peter, Sandoval had been acting …well… _nicer was the only way to put it.  Sandoval's change in attitude had made him wonder if he had indeed heard Liam's conversation with Peter, or just thought more of him having seen his actions with Peter.  Either way there was nothing he could do about it, but the change was nice... disconcerting, but nice.  He __had checked carefully, though, to make sure the niceness was not just a way of distracting him from some new scheme.  He hadn't turned any up, and was beginning to think this might be a permanent change in attitude.  He wasn't going to believe that, of course, until Sandoval remained this way at least a month._

That didn't make what he was about to do that much less dangerous, but it did reassure him a bit.

He couldn't delay any longer.  He was here.  He rapped quickly on the open door and then walked in.

****************

Sandoval looked up at the knock.  He was a bit surprised to see Liam.  Liam rarely sought him out for anything.  Maybe his change in attitude had convinced Liam quicker than he had thought.  He had known it would take time to break through Liam's shell to reach the scared little boy underneath, but he was an impatient man by nature.  He rather hoped this was a sign that he was reaching Liam.

"What is it, Major?" he asked calmly, not wanting to ask why Liam hadn't globaled him first.  Whatever Liam's reason for being here, it was likely personal or private.

Striding over to his desk, Liam placed an object squarely in the center of the mess currently covering it.  It appeared to be a letter, with his name written in block letters on the front.  "This showed up for you in this morning's mail.  Written messages are so rare these days, I thought I should bring it by.  We already checked it for explosives.  It's clean."  His lips quirked up, and he added, "Maybe it's from a fan."

For an instant, a pointed remark came to mind, but Sandoval pushed it aside, saying instead, "Well it would take a large number of these to catch up with the number of fans you have."  His lips also quirked up as he added, "I understand some of the Volunteers have complained about the number of requests for your address they get.  And that security has suggested putting in benches so the girls have some place to sit while the wait for you to leave the Embassy."

He watched in satisfaction as Liam's face turned bright red.  Teasing Liam was more fun than using sarcastic put-downs.  And people rarely thought of those that tease them as their enemies, unless it was carried too far- something he had no intention of doing.

"Yes, well, I thought you might be interested."

"Thank you, Major.  Even a letter from a fan would be welcome about now," Sandoval replied looking over the mess on his desk.

He looked up at Liam speculatively, wondering if he could foist any of this paperwork on Liam.  Apparently recognizing the look, Liam said quickly, "Well, I best be getting back to the Embassy before Da'an thinks I've run off," and turned and virtually ran out the door.

Sandoval smiled to himself.  Clearly, Liam hated paperwork.  Perhaps rather than pointed statements to get Liam to leave him alone when he was working on sensitive information, he could just suggest that Liam help him with his paperwork.  

Looking down at the envelope, Sandoval sighed.  As much as he hated to admit it, he had been telling the truth when he told Liam even a letter from a fan would be interesting right now.  Paperwork was quite boring, or at least this paperwork was.  Picking up the letter, he quickly tore the flap open, only to find another envelope inside.  Pulling it out, he gasped in surprise.  The inner envelope said simply "FATHER" in the same block printing as the outer one.

Sandoval hastily got up from his seat, placing the inner envelope carefully back on top of the outer one on his desk.  Moving quickly, he closed his door and locked it, then picked up a biochemical scanner.  He'd kept one around his office for a while now.  It was very useful in determining who had last touched something.  He ran it over the envelopes, and looked at the resulting data. 

Ronald Sandoval

Liam Kincaid

Miguel Ramirez

Richard Smalling

A quick check on the computer told him the last two were assigned to the Washington Embassy.  They must have been the Volunteers who discovered the letter and ran the explosives test on it.  Carefully, Sandoval removed the inner envelope from on top of the outer, and reran the scan on only the inner envelope.  The same four names turned up.  The outer envelope had clearly been permeable enough that the biochemical traces on it had passed through to the inner envelope.  

Sandoval sighed as put down the biochemical scanner.  Clearly his son, or his guardians, wanted there to be no way to trace the origin of the letter.  Still, this was a letter from his son.  That was what mattered the most, though he did wonder why it had shown up to begin with.  Perhaps something was wrong.  Or perhaps it was just a sick joke by someone who knew about his son.  The only way to know would be to read the letter.

Sitting back down in his chair, Sandoval carefully opened the inner envelope and pulled out the letter within.  With his heart in his throat, Sandoval began to read.

***********************

----

Father,

          I don't know what to say.  I don't even know how to address this letter.  As much as I may want to, I can't call you Dad.  While father only means that you are one of my parents, Dad implies so much more.  Dad means baseball games, teaching me about girls, and how to drive, and all those other things people say dads do with their sons.  We don't know each other like that.__

----

With tears in his eyes, Sandoval thought, _I wish we did, my son.  I wish I could talk to you, teach you all the things my father taught me, watch you learn about the world…   But at least you want to call me Dad.  At least, you're interested in me acting as your father.  But if you're interested in having a relationship with me, why haven't you come forward?  Are you afraid of me?  What have I done to make you afraid?  He snorted.__  Considering the feeling towards the Taelons and the rumors about their plots, I can understand your fearing me now.  But why have you never come forward before?  Were you afraid of me even before the formation of the Liberation?  And why?_

He nervously fingered the letter._  This has to be real.  I can't see anyone else appreciating the fact that my son might have problems calling me Dad.  On the contrary, they'd start out calling me Dad to play on my affections.  His hands clenched on the letter so hard he almost tore it.__  No, this was real.  It had to be real.  Unclenching his hands, he carefully smoothed the letter back out and placed in on the desk so he wouldn't risk tearing it again. _

------

I know you're wondering why I'm contacting you after all this time.  You've known about me for months, but I haven't tried to meet you in all that time.  But I do know you, even if you don't realize it.  I know you're wondering, "How?", but I'll get to that in a moment.  I heard what happened in the park a couple of days ago. I heard about what you said.  You said that there can never be an excuse for child abuse, that you consider it one of the most heinous crimes imaginable, that you can't understand how anyone can hurt a child.  What you said hurt.  I know you didn't realize it, but your statements were a wake-up call to me.  They made me realize something I'd never even thought about before.  And now I have a question for you- what I want to know is why you consider child abuse so wrong, but abuse of an adult is fine.  It's still abuse, physical or emotional.  It still hurts.  So why is one so heinous, and not the other?

------

_You know what I said in the park that day?  Were you there?  I don't remember any children except Peter being close enough to hear me.  He paused.__  Oh, please God, he prayed to a God he wasn't sure existed anymore__, tell me Peter's not my son.  He's been hurt so badly. I don't want to think that my child's guardians have abused him that badly.  But why wouldn't he tell me he was my son if he was?  Had his guardians so terrified him of me that he wouldn't say anything?  He thought back, considering.  __And he was terrified of me when we first met.  Was that due to something more than my being an adult he had run into?  But by the end, I think he trusted me.  By then, I think he would have told me if he were my son._

_Maybe you aren't Peter.  Maybe you just knew someone there.  Your description of adult abuse sounds rather like my actions towards Liam.  He paused in self-realization.__  Damn it, I can't even think of him as Kincaid anymore, not knowing what I do now.  Oh well.  He turned back to the question at hand.__  Do you, or your guardians, know me well enough to realize how I was treating Liam?  My actions towards Liam **have been close to child abuse.  If he were a child physically, as he apparently is emotionally, I could easily be charged with child abuse.  And even though he isn't a child, you are right in that I'm hurting people and not seeing a problem with it because they're not children.  I didn't think of it as abuse because an adult can escape while a child can't, but Liam can't really escape, can he?  Once he joined the Protectors, he had no choice.**_

_But I'm ignoring the Resistance.  Just because Liam's been on my mind lately doesn't mean this is about him.  It's possible you know someone else I've hurt in the Resistance.  I've certainly tortured enough of them.  But most of those I've tortured are either dead, or still prisoners.  The ones that were released weren't tortured.  So if you know a Resistance member other than Liam that I've tortured, they were almost certainly rescued by the Resistance, which means the Resistance has you, because there's no way they'd be able to return to their old lives._

------

I know a lot about you.  I've heard how you act to most people.  Why is it all right to hurt or threaten people who work with you but not to do it to children?  What's the difference between threatening a child with the thing they're most terrified of and threatening an adult with it?  Why is one all right but not the other?  

-------

_Do you really know a lot about me?  It's not like most of my actions have been covered in the news.  Do you just think you know a lot about me, or do you actually know someone who works with me?  If you did, then how much do you know?  He snorted softly.__  That depends, I suppose, on who you know.  If it's a Volunteer, then you may know some of what I've done.  But would they really tell you everything?  You're just a child, and a child shouldn't be burdened with my misdeeds.  _

_But what if you know Liam?  That's more than possible.  He is the most likely candidate to inform someone I was sick and in the hospital.  From there, it wouldn't take a lot for someone to find out what was wrong with me.  He likely told your guardians about my illness. Plus, he's shown up far too often at 'project' sites for it to be coincidence. He has to be Resistance. And the Resistance likely has you.  But how much would he tell you?  He knows much of the evil I've done, but how much would he be willing to hurt you?  He didn't even tell Peter the truth about me, and he hardly knew Peter.  I don't think he'd really hurt you so by telling you all the evil I've done.  But if you knew Liam, you would know of the evils I've done to him.  If you are friends with Liam, then I can easily see you sneaking around to find out what's wrong when he'd not feeling well, and so much of that was due to me.  I can just imagine you eavesdropping, trying to find out what's going on with your friend.  Remembering his eavesdropping on Liam and Peter, he thought, __I wonder if eavesdropping is genetic.  _

_But I'm making too many assumptions here.  I don't even know if the Resistance really has you, and that'd be about the only way Liam would know you. He doesn't have much free time as it is.  Add in the Resistance, and the only way I can see him knowing you is if the Resistance has you, and I don't know that they do._

-------

I know a lot about the Taelons.  I imagine you think the Resistance has me…and you'd be right.  

-------

_The Resistance does have you.  That means you probably know about me from Liam.  But how much has he told you, and how much have you discovered on your own?_

He paused, and his mouth dropped open in realization.  _Did he put the letter in the mailbox at the Embassy?  Did he know you wrote this?  And if he did, why did he let you?  Considering the poor way I've treated him, you'd think he'd discourage or even forbid writing this letter.  He'd be too afraid for you.  He thinks of me as a father, and look at how I treated him.  There'd be no way he'd want you to feel that.  Or would he?  Sandoval shook his head.__  No, I can't imagine Liam wanting to hurt a child, not after what his father did to him._

_But I'm making assumptions again.  Maybe he didn't put the letter in the mailbox.  But he must have suspected what it was.  And he still brought it to me.  He wants me to know my son. He paused as another reason came to mind. __Or maybe he wants to punish me by knowing my son wants to know me but is too scared to.  I must admit, it is a fitting punishment.  I treat a man who looks to me as a father like something you'd wipe off your shoe, and my son is so scared of me, he won't even tell me his name.  Just the sort of thing I'd do, though I don't see Liam doing it.  But then how much do I really know about Liam?  All I've ever seen it the Protector façade he puts up.  I didn't even realize he'd been abused as a child until now.  How much do I really know Liam?_

_But I can't be certain Liam even knows my son.  I can't risk making assumptions._

--------

I've heard a lot about the Taelons, most of it bad.  But there are two things that terrify me the most: the Taelons finding out about me, and getting a CVI.  I have nightmares of betraying my friends, my family, because of a CVI.  I know you'd say that would never happen, but people are still being implanted, aren't they?  And if they knew the truth, being implanted would probably be one of their worst nightmares, too.  I've come close to being implanted at least once.  So why would it be wrong to implant me, but not to implant others?  As for my other fear, the Taelons finding out about me, well, I'm afraid that once they knew the truth about my parentage, they would use me, do things or threaten to do things that I don't even want to imagine. 

-------

_Why are you worried about implantation?  And what do you mean, you came close to being implanted once?  We don't implant kids.  Then he thought back to the early portal experiments.__  No, we normally don't implant kids, but there have been cases… and some of those children would eventually have had fully operational CVIs.  _

_Are you a teenager? Are you one of the indiscretions in my youth?  Your language and grammar make me think that you're at least twelve or fourteen. Does that mean you're actively working with the Resistance?  Then, maybe, I can see why you fear implantation.  _

_And I know some Resistance members were threatened with implantation.  We even tried to implant some of them.  Unfortunately for the Taelons, the Resistance had expected such a maneuver.  Somehow, they got hold of a CVI virus and managed to make a counter agent.  They created a set of nanites that would react with the CVI virus to cause death.  It took several Resistance deaths for us to determine what they'd done, and several more to determine that we couldn't remove the nanites.  Luckily for the Taelons, the nanites were only effective against the CVI.  If the Resistance members could have used them to cause their own deaths whenever they wanted, we would never have gotten any information from them.  The fragmentation of the Resistance after the crackdown, and the loss of a significant amount of equipment made it possible that members picked up afterward didn't have the nanites, but we couldn't take the chance.  They were difficult to detect, we had too few prisoners, and by then I didn't want to put anyone through what I'd gone through, betraying your friends and being unable to do a thing.  _

_So why, he thought sadly,__ did I try to implant Liam when he came to the mothership during the dark matter incident?  With a soft sigh, he realized,__ I wasn't thinking, I was just reacting.  Everything I wanted was falling into my lap, and suddenly everything was going wrong.  I panicked.  I couldn't see another way out.  Liam has a right to hate me for my actions that day. But at least I knew I wouldn't kill him with the nanites. I wasn't trying to kill him.  Even though he's Resistance he wouldn't have had the nanites because their presence is an admission of guilt.  We've used it as that before.  He shook his head as if to clear it.__  But I'm getting away from the subject, which is my son.  Now what was I thinking before I went off on this tangent?  Oh, yes, that maybe my son's a teenager and actively in the Resistance.  _

_If he is, he looked back down at the letter,__ if you are a teenager, maybe you do know more about my actions than I thought.  And you still want to know me, knowing what I've done?  You're either very brave or very foolish, my son.  He sighed.__  Much like I was when I joined the Protectors.  I thought I could be a spy, report back to the FBI.  Look what happened to that idea._

-------

I imagine by now, you're wondering if you know me since I seem to know so much about you, or at least about your actions.  You don't, not really.  And that's why I don't want to tell you who I am.  That, and I'm scared of you.  

-------------

_You're scared of me?  Why?  Is it just what the Resistance taught you to feel, or is there some other reason you are scared of me?  Is it because you're part of the Resistance?_

------------

I want you to like me for me, not just because I'm your son.  I know you'd say that you would love me, no matter who I am, but that wouldn't be love.  That would be pity.  And I don't want or need your pity, father.  Would you really love me if it turned out I was one of those hybrids people say the Taelons are creating?  If it turned out I was Agent Tate, or Major Kincaid, or Volunteer Hernandez, or, God help me, one of the drones aboard the mothership?  Would you?  Think about it.  Could you love me if I wasn't completely human?  Maybe you understand now why I haven't told you about me.  

---------

_As much as I want to say I'd love you no matter what, you are asking some interesting questions.  Could I love you if you were a hybrid?  Sandoval paused as he gave serious thought to that question.__  Even though I hate the Taelons, it wouldn't matter to me that you were part Taelon.  It would be about the only good thing the Taelons have ever done.  But if you were a hybrid, you could look any age.  _

_From what I remember of the hybridization experiments, all the hybrids grew more quickly than humans.  I think the hybrids were designed to stop growing in the late teens or early twenties, to take advantage of youth and strength.  So that would mean you could be any of the Volunteers on the mothership.  That would certainly explain your fear of implantation- so many of them **were implanted before the Taelons realized the problems with the implants.  And it would explain about your knowing of my actions.**_

_But I'm leaping to conclusions yet again.  There's no evidence that you meant that statement as more than something to make me think about my pre-conceived notions.  After all, I don't remember my DNA being used in the hybrid experiments.  So you couldn't be a hybrid, could you?_

---------

Until you can convince me by your actions that you won't hate me when you discover the truth, I can't tell you who I am.  And don't ask how I know how to act towards people, it's enough that I do.  Maybe, one day, your actions will convince me to trust you.

Until then,

Your son.

-----------

_Why would I hate you?  You're my **son.  I can't imagine anything that would make me hate you.  I want to hold you in my arms and ask why you're afraid of me, but I can't. He stood, abruptly, the nervous energy in him manifesting itself as he paced stridently back and forth across the room.  **__I can't touch you, I can't talk to you.  There's no way I can talk to you and convince you to trust me.  _

_So what do I know about you?  His pacing slowed as he thought back over the letter.__  It's clear you know someone, or are someone, near me.  But who?  You haven't left me enough clues to figure that out.  He stopped near the desk as he tried to decide what to do.  __I might be able to learn your identity from Liam, with enough torture, but you'd never trust me if I did that.  And knowing what I know about him now, I don't want to hurt him.  Ironic, isn't it?  The person most likely to be able to tell me about you, and I can't ask him because of my own actions.  So, he thought, fingering the letter on his desk,__ what do I do now?_

*****************

Liam stared at the paperwork on his desk in frustration.  He had been on edge ever since delivering his letter to Sandoval earlier in the day.  He kept hoping, and fearing, that Sandoval would put together all the clues he had and come up with Liam being his son.  He wanted his father to know him, but at the same time he was afraid of his father's actions if he ever learned the truth.  He didn't know if he had done the right thing with the letter, but it was over and done with- he couldn't turn back time.

He leaned back in his chair, trying to calm down.  It had been several hours since he had delivered the letter.  Clearly, if Sandoval had figured out the truth, he hadn't turned Liam over to the Taelons.  But… he hadn't come down to see Liam either.  That suggested that either he didn't want to get to know his son, or he didn't know Liam was his son.  Liam's statements in the letter had seemed to so clearly point the finger at him that he couldn't understand how his father hadn't seen it.  The clues had just seemed so _obvious.  He had changed the letter numerous times, trying to find the best way to say what he wanted to say without revealing the truth and had finally given up after the eleventh version.  And while he knew rationally that the letter didn't have his name written in foot-high scarlet letters on it, it still seemed that way._

_Most likely, I didn't give him enough clues to figure out my identity, he thought with relief.  __But will the letter change anything?  It's not like I told him who I was.  Maybe he won't change his attitude at all._

Liam was surprised Sandoval hadn't come barreling through the Embassy, trying to question everyone who might have seen the letter.  He wouldn't have found anything, of course.  Liam had made very certain of that by placing the letter in the mailslot just outside the Embassy himself.  It had gone through all the Embassy's regular handling procedures, leaving nothing to point to Liam as its originator.

Silently, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.  He was just going to have to wait to see Sandoval's reaction to the letter.  He was going to have to be _patient.  At times, being an adult sucked._

****************

Laying down on his bed, Liam looked back over the last week.  It was only a week ago that he had given his letter to Sandoval, but the changes in that week were nothing short of amazing.  Sandoval was more open with him, less sarcastic.  

This had actually started before he had given Sandoval the letter. The changes had started right after their conversation in the park with Peter.  Maybe that conversation had reminded Sandoval of why he had become a FBI agent in the first place.  Sandoval had actually complimented Liam, the first time Liam ever remembered hearing a compliment or praise from Sandoval.

He even seemed to want to get to know Liam better.  Fearing it was a trap because of its suddenness, Liam hadn't opened up much, but the desire to do so was strong.  He wanted to be friends with his father so badly, but he wouldn't risk what was left of the Resistance, or his own life.  He was still too afraid of his father to risk telling him the truth.

He had come to the conclusion that Sandoval did not know Liam was his son, but something had changed.  _Sandoval had changed.  The changes might not look like much to an outsider, but to Liam they seemed extensive.  From eavesdropping on Volunteer conversations and from watching Sandoval interact with the Volunteers, Liam had discovered that this apparent new-found…__niceness extended past Liam.  Sandoval was actually being considerate of the Volunteers.  He was actually treating them as people, rather than as expendable resources.  He hadn't even tried any schemes lately that used people as guinea pigs.  This lack of any overt projects was actually the thing that had made Liam the most suspicious, but after a week of poking around, he couldn't find any nefarious purpose behind Sandoval's lack of action.  Liam was just grateful for the respite.  Stopping Sandoval's projects had been a full-time job, and he already had two of those._

Sandoval, however, had been carefully scrutinizing the Volunteer records during that time.  Liam kept track of computer activity on board the mothership, and had noticed the increase in access to the personnel database.  Slipping into the database, Liam had had to make sure that the Resistance, now ANA, operatives were safe and that there were no suspicious gaps in their records.  He wasn't sure exactly what Sandoval was looking for in the Volunteer files, but he wanted to be certain Sandoval didn't stumble across any Resistance operatives during his search.  He wondered if Peter had re-awakened Sandoval to the horrors of child abuse, and Sandoval was checking the Volunteer records for that.  It didn't seem likely though.  The only reason Liam could think of for Sandoval to be looking at Volunteer records was to try and find the person who had told his son about Peter- which meant that Sandoval _was looking for any Volunteers who could be Resistance- but to find his son, rather than arrest Resistance members._

Thinking back, Liam realized Sandoval had also been acting strangely, or more precisely, looking at people oddly.  After all, Sandoval acting nicely was strange in itself.  Occasionally, Liam would catch him looking at a Volunteer with a wistful look in his eyes.  Since he was looking mainly at the younger male Volunteers, Liam had wondered if Sandoval's CVI had broken down enough that repressed desires had surfaced, but Sandoval had never approached any of the Volunteers he had stared at, and Liam had eventually discarded that idea.  Besides, he had never had any indication from his father's memories that Sandoval was that way inclined.

No, there was something going on with his father- he just wasn't sure what_.  But I will find out eventually, he promised himself.___

The End


End file.
